Sugar Tossing
by lone-poppy
Summary: Sam is hurt ... SA
1. The Father Problem

Title: Sugar Tossing (1/?)  
Author: Lilly  
Pairing: Sam & Ainsley, a little Josh & Donna  
Rating: PG 13  
Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!  
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ

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"Hey?" 

"Hayes," Sam replied not looking up from the pile of sugar packets in front of him. 

"Donna invited me out. She said we're going to get you drunk and put you to bed." 

"That was the plan." 

"But you're down here, in the mess, tossing sugar packets in a trash can?" 

"No one normally comes down here at this time of night." 

"I come down here all the time." Ainsley looked at Sam as he threw another two packets into the bin, one after the other. 

"Y'know that doesn't surprise me?" 

"You should go home, Sam." 

"This may come as a shock to you but you are not the first person to tell me that today." 

"No, it doesn't. But you should know that Leo was right, you're putting too much faith in a new shirt." 

"Is there anyone who doesn't know?" 

"They're just worried." 

"I will go as soon as I miss one." 

"When will that be?" 

"I'm up to 77 in a row." Sam moved his head, his eyes scanning the tables in the room. "Or maybe when I run out of sugar packets?" 

"Come on, Sam. I'll walk you to your car." Ainsley held out his coat for him. 

"You took that from my office." Sam pulled on his coat as he started up the stairs, looking back at the few sugar packets that were lying on the mess floor. 

Ainsley hadn't noticed that he had stopped following, "I went there first." 

"Hmmm?" Sam jumped up the stairs two at a time to catch her. 

"I said I went to your office first, but you weren't there." 

"You said that you come down here all the time." 

"I do, and when you weren't in your office I went to the first place that I would go." 

"The mess?" Sam didn't mean for it to sound like a question, everybody knew that if you couldn't find Ainsley then she would be in the mess. If, by some chance, she wasn't there then she was in Sam's office, eating lunch. 

"Yes, the mess. Are you going to be okay to drive home?" She looked across the empty communications bullpen as they walked past. It still surprised her how peaceful this place could be at night. 

"No, I was going to walk." He held open the first of the double door that led to the exit. 

"I could take you." 

"I want to clear my head." Sam smiled at the security guard and waved his hand. "I'll get it." Sam opened the door, stepped back, and waited for Ainsley to walk out. 

Sam's car was parked in the front row where the rest of the senior staff parked their cars; only Josh's was left. Donna obviously wouldn't let him drive home if he was going to have more than one beer. Only a few cars remained in the rest of the west wing parking lot; he could see Ainsley's car in the back few rows not far from the entry gates. Sam stopped at the front of her car and Ainsley walked around to the driver's door. 

"You should talk to him," Ainsley said as quickly as she could. She knew he didn't want to hear it. "I know you're mad but the longer---" 

"I have … called him." 

Ainsley stood motionless. It wasn't often that she didn't know what to say and she loved getting the better of Sam. She had been ready for a fight; she wasn't ready for whatever might come next. 

"He didn't get it; he turned my life up-side-down … and my mom, I've called her every night and all she does is cry into the phone." Sam leaned on the hood of her car staring up into the sky. "He said he was sorry and that he should never have kept her a secret for so long." 

"At least he is sorry." Ainsley couldn't imagine what he was going through, if it were her parents... 

"He's not sorry. If he were he wouldn't be … I don't know what he should be saying but he shouldn't be sorry, he shouldn't have any reason to be sorry … … he just shouldn't have done this to us." He bowed his head and looked back over at Ainsley and said, "Naomi will be back on Sunday. What am I suppose to tell her?" 

"Naomi. That's your sister, right?" 

"Yeah, she has been hiking through the Himalayan countryside. She is coming to stay with me for a few weeks, her and Dad have always been so close … She is so much younger than me. I remember when mom told me she was going to have another baby, I was eight and all I ever wanted was a little brother to play with … but dad wasn't happy. I remember them fighting about it, how could it have happened? She still lives at home." 

"Maybe she could stay with you for more than a few weeks?" Ainsley wasn't sure if that was a good idea, Sam had only ever spoken enough about his sister for her to know her name and that she had finished at Harvard last year. The last time he spoke of her was when he said she was travelling. 

"I'm not sure that I want her to come and stay at all. Not now," Sam said as he stood and walked round the car to stand in front of Ainsley. 

"Oh, I'm sorry." 

"No, it's not like that. I just think that someone needs to be with my mother right now." Sam ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the sky again. "I would, but there's so much going on here at the moment there's always so much going on here. I should be reviewing the speech for the new health care bill; it gets voted on next week and I have to give it to Leo in the morning. Then there are the pardons. Toby's got other things on his mind and he doesn't need to worry about them." Sam stopped talking and threw his hands in the air. "I just need some sleep." 

"I drive right past your place every night; you sure you don't want that ride home?" Ainsley wasn't sure why she said that, but then there were a lot of things she said that she wasn't sure about. 

"No, I want to walk. I need the time to think. If I don't think this through I will never get any sleep." 

Sam opened the car door for Ainsley and waited for her to drive out the gates. He looked around the car park and put his hands in his pockets, slowly walking toward the gates. He couldn't remember ever being this lost; he had always hoped that he wouldn't end up like his parents. Now he was worried that he might end up being his father; the man he had wanted to be was nothing more than a lie. Sam's whole life was nothing more than a lie. 

Sam stopped walking and looked around. Behind him were the lights of the White House and he was standing next to the Reflecting Pool. "How ironic." He pulled a quarter out of his pocket and tossed it into the pool; he'd only ever done this once before. The first time his father had brought him to Washington he had wanted to show him the White House. Now he'd turned his back on his family for a woman he didn't love enough to tell anyone about. 

He heard a noise and felt pain in his back before falling to the ground; he felt someone pulling at his coat, their hands in his pockets, before they tugged at his left wrist. 

Sam wiped his hand over the back of his head. It hurt. He hurt all over. He tried to stand but couldn't lift himself off the ground. Everything kept going black; the sounds of cars and sirens were fading in and out. He looked at his hands; there was blood on his hand - his blood.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

"DONNA!" Josh yelled for the tenth time, as she appeared at his door. "Where have you been?" 

"At my desk." 

"I've be calling you for like ten minutes." 

"I know," Donna said as she handed Josh the file he was yelling for. 

"Why didn't you come?" Josh looked at Donna, as she opened her mouth he spoke for her, "'Cause I was yelling." 

"And Leo is asking for Sam." 

"You didn't come because Leo is asking for Sam?" Josh walked over to the coat rack in the corner of his office with a confused look on his face. 

"No," 

"Well, you seem to go on vacation when CJ is looking for me." 

"Josh, it's Saturday. Toby's at temple and Leo is looking for Sam!" Donna was trying to stress her point without raising her voice. 

"You said that already." 

"He's not here and Ginger is running out of things to say." 

"Why doesn't she tell Leo that he's not here?" Josh took one look at Donna's face, "Because she wants me to tell him." 

"She's scared of him." 

"And I'm not?" Josh put his coat down. "Donna," he whined. 

"She'll bring you coffee." 

"Yeah." Josh looked up from his desk, hopeful. 

"No." Donna smiled at him as she walked back to her desk. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

"I rang his home phone and got the machine, he didn't answer it after I yelled for him to wake up. His cell rang until it diverted to voice mail. I paged him and Leo has paged him twice," Josh said as he leaned on Donna's filing cabinet. 

"What did you tell Leo?" 

"That Sam's not in yet." 

"What did he say?" 

"Get him in here." Josh was moving from his place at Donna's filing cabinet. "Sam hasn't called me back yet." 

Donna stopped typing to look up at Josh. "He's had a pretty rough week, maybe he needs some time to himself." 

"Maybe." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"WHERE THE HELL IS HE?" Toby yelled in the middle of the bullpen. 

"No one has seen him today. I've tried his cell and I've paged him but he hasn't called back," Ginger tried to explain but from the look on Toby's face he didn't care. 

"I'm going to see Leo. When I get back I want Sam's copy of the speech on my desk and I want Sam!" Toby walked out of the bullpen and into Margaret's office, "Can I go in?" 

"Yes, but he's not …" Margaret didn't get to finish what she was saying before Toby had closed the door to Leo office. 

"Where is he?" Leo asked Toby without saying hello. 

"He's had a rough week. He went home last night for the first time since he found out. His mother is all over the place, his sister is coming home on Monday, and he gets to be the one to deliver the news … he's just taking some time for himself." Toby was rubbing his head as he spoke. 

"And I don't mind as long as he tells someone first. I don't know where we are on the speech or the pardons. He told me he wasn't re-trying the case but this morning I got a call from the director of the FBI, he's been over there about some guy that has been dead 50 years." Leo sat back in his chair, "Do we need to give him some time off, you know, so he can go home see him mom, maybe talk to his father?" 

"I don't think he would take … I don't know." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"He wasn't there?" Donna looked almost as concerned as Josh did. "Have you heard from him?" 

"No, no one has. He hasn't answered his pages from the weekend. I should have gone to see him on Saturday. I assumed he needed the space and that he would call me when he was ready." 

"Hello?" Ainsley voice echoed into Josh's office. "Donna?" 

"In here," Donna called through the open door 

"Hey." Ainsley stood at the entrance to Josh's office 

"Hey," Josh said as he looked down at the mess that was his desk. 

"I was looking for Sam, but he's not in his office or the mess." Ainsley watched as Donna looked over at Josh but they didn't answer her. "His car is in the car park," she added in the hope that they would respond. 

"His car?" Josh's head shot up to look at her. 

"Yes, his car. Has he gone for a meeting? I was just going to ask him if---" 

"Where in the car park?" 

"In the front row, two down from yours. Why? Is he in your spot?" Ainsley adding a jock at the end to lighten the mood. 

"No, CJ's. He parked there on Friday, and he didn't come in over the weekend." Josh was tapping his fingers on the phone. 

"He walked home on Friday night. We left together and he wanted to walk home." Concern was growing in Ainsley voice, "Did something happen? I want to know what's going on." 

Josh didn't answer her, he looked at Donna. "Tell Ron I want to see him." 

"You don't think?" 

"I don't know what to think. Call Margaret and tell her I'm on my way." Josh walked out past Ainsley who hadn't moved from the doorway. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Has he said anything that makes any sense yet?" Dr. Hawley asked as he picked up the chart from the end of the bed and looked at Kerry, the ICU nurse who had been on the night shift. 

"Not yet," Kerry said as she took the IV bag down and replaced it with a new one. 

"No one has missed him?" The doctor had a note of surprise in his voice 

"He came in well-dressed, he's by no means homeless … you would  
think that someone would have come looking for him by now." 

"Maybe he hasn't lived in D.C all that long, he might not have anyone to miss him." 

"Well he's not getting any worse, all we need now is for him to come back to us. Nothing more we can do but wait." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Donna walked down the last steps that led her to Ainsley office; she tapped on the door and peered in. "Hey?" She smiled as she looked at Ainsley who was facing the wall. "I thought that Sam had arranged for you to get a better office." 

"He has. I'm meant to move in next week, but I kind of like this one. It's grown on me … no one comes down here." 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll go." 

"No, Donna, that's not what I meant … Sam, Sam is the only person besides Babish that ever comes down here. The President came down once; CJ and Toby came down a few times… Donna, if it's bad news, just tell me." 

"I have no news. Josh is in his office staring out the window waiting for Ron, and CJ took a question from Katie if Sam's father was the reason he wasn't at work." 

"How does she know that he wasn't here?" 

"I don't know, but they can tell when something's wrong. I think they can smell it." 

"Something's wrong, Donna, something is very wrong. He wanted to walk home and I just drove away. I offered to take him home. He said that he wanted to walk, Donna, needed to clear his head. I offered to take him home." 

"We don't know, Ainsley, he might just be taking a few days off. We all like to hide out when things go wrong." 

"Sam was hiding here all last week and he finally went home. There's something wrong." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What happened?" Sam voice was dry and hoarse. 

"Well hello." The nurse hit the button for the doctor. "I was hoping to talk to you. Is there someone I can call?" She watched as Sam tried to speak but nothing came out. "Just the number, don't worry about the name if you can't give me one, I'll just introduce myself." Kerry smiled at him as she pressed the buzzer again. 

"2024561414." Sam closed his eyes halfway through the number. 

"Do you want to tell me your name?" 

"How is he doing?" Dr. Hawley asked as he entered the room. 

"His temp is still 101.4, he was awake for a few minutes. No name, but I got a phone number." Kerry smiled at the doctor. 

"Well, he's no worse and if he was able to give us a phone number that's a good sign that there's no brain damage." 

"As long as someone answers." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hello this is the White House, how may I direct your call?" 

"I'm not sure. My name is Kerry Bonner, I'm the nurse on duty in the ICU. On Saturday morning a young man was brought in. He has been unconscious until this morning when he gave us this number to call." 

"Do you know who the young man is?" The receptionist looked at the women next to her and rolled her eyes. 

"He has no ID. I'm sorry all I have is this number. When I asked if could call someone he gave me this number." 

"Then there is nothing I can do to help you." 

"He is young with brown hair, well dressed---" 

She cut Kerry off before she could finish. "Ma'am, there are eleven hundred people who work here and there are only 50 women and everyone is well dressed. There is nothing I can do to help you." 

Kerry placed the phone back in the cradle and walked back over to Sam's bed. 

"Please give me something more to go on. I know someone is looking for you somewhere."

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	2. Mystery Man

Title: Sugar Tossing (2/?)  
Author: Novita  
Pairing: Sam & Ainsley, a little Josh & Donna  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!  
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ

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"Why?" Ainsley insisted as CJ tried to get her to sit on the couch in her office. "I don't understand; the secret service walk you to your car every night." 

"Because they can only act if something happens here. If a letter of demand is sent here, if he had received threats here that the secret service was investigating, then they can act. This is in the hands of the D.C police." 

"I've rang the hospitals, but they can't give me any information over the phone under the privacy laws. If someone has no ID or they come in alone they give all the information to the police and wait for a missing persons report." Ainsley's face had flushed red as she was speaking. 

"You understand why we can't file a missing persons report, not yet anyway." CJ had already had this argument with Leo, who was going to talk to the president. "Ron has some friends in the D.C police department; we're getting a lot of help and information that way." 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

"How is our mystery man today?" Jenny asked Kerry as she walked in to sign him over to the day shift. "He looks kind of familiar." 

"Oh, you wish he did." Kerry laughed as she handed the chart to Jenny for her to sign. "He came to for a few minutes this morning but he has slipped back now and his temp is up again." 

"Did he tell you to get the great looking nurse from the day shift in here." Jenny opened the dressing at the base of Sam's neck. "Needs re-dressing." 

"He gave me a phone number." 

"So he's married? Wonder why no one has come looking for him? If I was his wife I wouldn't let him out of my sight." Jenny had a worried look on her face as she checked the stitches. "I don't like the look of this wound." 

"The phone number was for the White House. He didn't give me a name. The way this infection is we might not get anything else out of him." Kerry placed her hand on Sam's forehead. "I hope you're a fighter." Kerry looked up at Jenny who seemed to be doing nothing more than staring at Sam. "Jenny? Are you listening to me?" 

"Wait here a minute," Jenny said as she was halfway out the door. 

"What is it?" Kerry asked as Jenny returned with a newspaper, holding it out for her to take. 

"I told you he looked familiar." Jenny looked back down at Sam. "You can stop worrying now; we know who you are." 

Kerry was looking at the picture in the newspaper. It showed three men all smiling with their arms around each other, standing in front of the new school just a few blocks down the road. She began to read the caption. "Josh Lyman, Sam Seaborn and Toby Ziegler all smiles after the opening of the new nine million dollar state-of-the-art teaching school." Kerry looked over at Sam laying in the bed, then she continued; "Ziegler said that 'it is days like these that make  
the rest of it bearable.' Seaborn, Ziegler's deputy, is rumoured to be behind the push for education and the mastermind of today's speech." 

"Well, hello, Sam," Jenny said as she looked over to Kerry. "What are you going to do now?" 

"Ring Toby Ziegler."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

"Toby." Ginger waited for him to look up from his desk. "There is a Kerry Bonner on line four from GW." Ginger didn't move from the door as she watched Toby look at the phone, and his hand began to shake as he picked up the handpiece. 

"Toby Ziegler … Yes he works for me … No he's not at work today … Are you sure? … Thank you very much we'll be right down." Toby dropped the phone and glanced up at Ginger. "Tell Josh to meet me in Leo's office now!" 

Toby jogged past Margaret, not even waiting to see if he was free. "Leo!" He spun around in the doorway looking back at Margaret. "Where's Leo?" 

"I'm right here," Leo said as he handed Margaret a file and started to walk into his office. 

"So am I. Ginger said you found Sam." Josh looked like he had run from his office; he was still out of shape from the shooting. 

"You found Sam?" Leo asked, anguish in his voice. 

"I just got a call from a nurse, a Kerry someone, who she said that she was looking at a photo of Sam and us, and that he was in the ICU at GW." 

"Why haven't they called?" Leo yelled at Toby almost as if it was his fault. 

"He had no ID on him. I didn't get the full story. I'm going down there now to see." 

"I'm coming," Josh added without waiting to be asked. 

Leo nodded and they both left the room running. Leo looked up to see the President standing at his door 

"We found him?" The President had been standing at the door while Leo was talking to Toby and Josh. 

"40,000 satellites, the secret service, the FBI and the DC police all looking for him and it's a picture in paper …who said the press was useless?" Leo looked down at the pen he was holding. 

"I want to go see him." 

"I'll let you know as soon as we're sure it's him."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

"Josh Lyman's Office … Is he alright? … What happened? … … I'll let her know, she's in with CJ … Josh, are you okay? … It's just that place … Okay." Donna slipped off the edge of his desk. 

"Hey, Carol. Is CJ in?" 

"Yeah. Ainsley's still in there, she hasn't stopped listening to the police scanner." Carol smiled at Donna, who wasn't sure what she should say in response. 

"Knock, Knock." Donna opened the door and CJ held up her hand while she spoke on the phone. 

"I have no details … Well we think it's nice around here if we can let the family know first, not that we don't think that you're important, Mike." CJ slammed the phone down. "Carol!" 

"Yeah?" Carol asked, smiling from the doorway. Carol was always smiling no matter what was happening or how much CJ yelled. 

"We have no comment. There will be a briefing at one after we have spoken to the family." 

"Okay," Carol said and closed the door behind herself. 

"Josh rang from the hospital--" 

"Oh god!" Ainsley finally looked away from the scanner. 

"He said that Sam had been mugged. He hit his head on the ground when he fell and they aren't sure if there's brain damage yet." 

"What do they mean 'yet'?" CJ asked 

"The doctor said Sam was able to give them the White House phone number, and that's a good sign." 

"When will be know more?" Ainsley asked looking between Donna and CJ. 

"They will have to talk to the family first and then they will have to give permission for any information to be given to us. It's the way it goes." CJ sounded old hand as she told Ainsley what would happen before they would know what was going on. "Lucky they have given us that much."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

"CJ, CJ, CJ." 

"You guys do that everyday and yet I never call on any of you till I'm ready." CJ turned to Carol. "Do you think they will get it one day?" 

"Sam Seaborn was taken to GW at 5:30 on Saturday morning. He was found near the Reflecting Pool at 5:05 by a passing jogger who called 911 on his cell. Sam has a punter worn to his right side, the entry point--" 

"CJ! CJ! --" 

"The entry point was below the rib cage, from the rear--" 

"He was stabbed from behind?" Katie yelled from the second row. 

"It would appear so. At this point Sam hasn't been able to assist the police with the investigation. He also has 12 stitches at the base of the skull. From what we can piece together he was attacked sometime after 10:30. He is still listed as critical." 

"CJ, why has the White House waited until 1pm on Monday to tell us of this?" 

"We were having problems contacting some members of Sam's family, Katie." 

"Was it Sam's father that you couldn't contact?" 

"No, Ken." 

"Why was Mr. Seaborn in the park that late on a Friday night?" 

"Walking." 

"Why?" 

"Why?" 

"Yes, why was he walking?" 

"Clearing his head. Sue" 

"CJ!" Katie cut in. "Clearing his head of what?" 

"It's a long week in this house, and sometimes it's good to go for a walk and clear your head. I will send your best wishes to his family." 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Ainsley was standing in the arrivals lounge with a photo that Josh had given her. It had been taken 12 months ago when Naomi had left in this same airport. She was gazing at it as the fight number was called. Naomi was a little shorter than Sam, with long dark hair and deep brown eyes. She looked so happy. How was anyone meant to tell her what had happened to her life in the past few days? 

Ainsley watched as the passengers pushed their bags into the arrivals lounge; Naomi was the second to last to walk out. "Naomi." Ainsley smiled at this girl who wouldn't know who she was. 

"You're Ainsley Hayes." Naomi was smiling back at her. 

"Yes I am, how do you…" 

"My mom sent me the tape when I was in London. I'm going to play that at every family thing I can." She was looking around the Lounge. "I was surprised when Mom told me that you two were friends … Where is he?" 

Ainsley still had the photo in her hand. "Josh gave me this photo so I would know who you were. You know Josh?" 

"Yeah, he's like Sam's best friend. Where are they?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

"I came as soon as … oh my God!" Naomi's hand flew to cover her mouth when she saw Sam. "What are all the tubes for?" 

Josh walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's not as bad as it looks. His temperature has come down. He's doing better." Josh held on to her as she stared at Sam in disbelief. Josh heard a noise at the door and turned to find Ainsley standing there with the same shocked look on her face. "Did you tell her?" Josh mouthed to Ainsley. 

"I couldn't." 

"Couldn't what?" Naomi turned to look at them. 

"I couldn't come down any sooner," Ainsley answered. 

"How did this happen? They have to get him … Mom and Dad, where are Mom and Dad? They would want to be here. Why aren't they here?" Naomi looked from Josh to Ainsley. 

"I should have told you at the--" 

Josh cut Ainsley off before she could finish. "Naomi." Josh's voice was as soft as he could make it as he wrapped his arms around her. "There's something that I have to tell you before your mom gets in this afternoon." 

"Hey," Sam voice was soft and hoarse. "Get your hands off my sister." 

"Sam." Naomi leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. "You were meant to get me from the airport. 

Ainsley was still watching from the door and looked around. The only people in the room were family. She smiled softly to herself and left. 

"Hey, buddy, how you doin'?" 

"Great. I thought I heard Ainsley?" Sam was too weak to lift his head to look around the room. 

"Yeah she's..." Josh turned around to see that Ainsley was gone. "She picked Naomi up for us." 

"I'm tired. I'm just gonna get some sleep." Sam closed his eyes 

"I'll be here, Sam. When you wake up I'll be here." Naomi pulled the chair from across the room, placed her head on the edge of his bed, and took his hand in hers. 

"Naomi, I'll be back tonight. Don't worry about your mom. I'll get her from the airport." Josh smiled at Naomi and patted her on the back before he left the room. Looking back through the glass he couldn't believe that they were all back here so soon. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

"What are you doing down here?" 

"I told you, no one comes down here." 

"It's late. Have you got stuff to do for tomorrow? Are you finishing something for Babish?" Donna could see the look on her face; she was there, inside herself, trying to do something to take her mind off what was going on outside. 

"I was … I needed … It is … I …" 

"He knew you were there." Donna sat in the guest chair; she wanted to give Ainsley a chance to respond. 

"He was talking to Josh. I didn't even go into the room … I couldn't." Ainsley wasn't even looking at Donna for an answer. She opened the top draw of her desk and pulled out a folded piece of paper. 

"He asked for you. Josh was surprised that you had left." 

"He's better then? If he's awake and aware then he's doing better?" Ainsley asked with a hopeful tone in her voice. 

"Josh said Sam was sleeping when he left. Mrs Bartlet said that if it had been summer then he would have bled to death. It was the cold weather that slowed down his blood flow; the fact they took his coat could have saved his live." 

"Now he might die of pneumonia." Ainsley accent was thick as she spoke. 

"No, but I think he's up for the fight!" 

"Leo!" Ainsley stood in surprise. 

Leo looked down at Donna. "Josh is looking for you. Something about a book that Sam wanted." Leo waited at the door for Donna to leave and watched her start up the stairs. "Josh wants it before he goes to get Sam's mother from the airport." 

"Leo." 

"I wanted to see how you were doing." 

"I'm fine." 

"You two have been helping each other out a lot lately. When I can't find Sam this is where I call." 

"Leo, I'm fine and he has his mother and sister with him. I think that they have been through enough without me hanging around." 

"I think that Sam might like you to be hanging around." Leo stood and walked to door before turning to look back at Ainsley, "I'll leave you to that piece of paper you've got there." 

Ainsley fingered the edge of the paper before unfolding it to cover a large part of her desk. You're fired, S. Seaborn'. Lionel Tribbey had brought it down to her the night Sam had fired Brookline and Joyce, she remembered thinking that he was almost human. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

END OF PART 2


	3. Hayes, will you stand still

Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!  
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ

XXXXXXXXXXX 

Ainsley stood outside the door to Sam's hospital room; she smiled at a nurse who walked out of his room. She took a step closer to the door and stopped again, looking around nervously. Ainsley couldn't understand why she was so anxious - all she had to do was walk into the room. 

"Ainsley?" Josh sounded unsure as he called out to her, "What are you doing standing outside?" 

"I was just waiting." 

"For what?" 

"I'm not sure." 

Josh walked up behind Ainsley and placed his hands on her shoulders. "He'll be fine. He's awake and talking. They're going to take him out of ICU tomorrow, and he should be able to go home at the end of the week." Josh glanced into Sam's room; it was hard for even him to believe what he was saying. "I know there are a lot of tubes and monitors, but he is doing great." 

"I shouldn't be here, Josh, I shouldn't be here." 

"Ainsley? I'm not sure what you're worried about but he was asking for you. His mother is here and believe me when I say that she wants to meet you." Josh removed his right hand from her shoulder, leaned forward, and opened the door. "Let's go." 

Sam's mother stood as they walked into the room; she waited for Josh to walk up to her before giving him a hug. "He was awake for a few hours, and has only just gone back to sleep." 

"That's great. Where is Naomi?" Josh asked as he looked down at Sam. 

"She went to get some sleep." As she spoke she followed Josh's eyes to Ainsley. 

"Sorry, this is Ainsley Hayes … Ainsley this is Renee Seaborn." 

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Seaborn." Ainsley held out her hand. 

"My son has spoken of you." Renee took her hand, "And please call me Renee." Renee turned back to Josh, "He wants me to take Naomi home. He doesn't want us to stay. He said that it would be best if we were at home." 

"Why don't you go get some sleep? Ainsley and I will stay with him." Josh opened the door for her. 

"You'll call me if anything happens," Renee looked back at Sam, "Call me before you leave. I don't want him left alone. They say that he is doing much better, but he's still so pale and his temperature has gone back up again." 

As Josh closed the door his pager started to beep and he pulled from his belt, "It's Leo, I've got to go back to work … You'll be fine?" 

"Yes … Josh." Ainsley waited for him to turn, "Thank you." Ainsley wasn't sure what she should do now that she was alone with him, wasn't sure if, or where she should sit. She moved from one foot to the other, then to the door and back to the spot where she had been standing. 

"Hayes, will you stand still you're keeping me awake." 

"Sam, you're awake? I'm sorry. Would you like me to leave or get someone for you? I can get Josh or your mother... I could get your mother for you." Ainsley pointed to the door. 

"Ainsley, sit down." Sam tried to pull himself up into a sitting position but couldn't manage it. Ainsley could see Sam grimace as he moved, and rushed to help him up. "I'm fine. I can do it myself." 

"Asking for a little help won't kill you." Ainsley sat in the chair that his mother had vacated, "Why do you want your mother to go back to L.A." 

"I almost died and you haven't asked how I am." Sam pointed to the water jug on the table that was next to the bed, "My throat hurts." 

Ainsley poured him some water and placed a straw in the glass for him to drink from. "Your sister seems nice, normal apart from her infatuation with Josh." 

"That's why they have to go home. God only knows what will happen if she stays." Sam gave the glass back to Ainsley and placed his head slowly back down on the pillow. He gave Ainsley a soft smile and closed his eyes. 

Ainsley hadn't been what to expect when she had come in to see him. She knew that he wasn't out of danger yet, but he was more pale than she had imagined. The tubes draining his wound, the cords coming from his chest, and the constant beep of the heart monitor all unnerved her even more. She didn't want to believe that Sam was as bad as she had been told, except the image of Sam in his current state made her stomach turn. 

She continued to watch him, unsure what she should say to him, "You're angry at your mother." Ainsley watched Sam's face as he turned his head to the side until he was facing away from her. "You think that it's her fault, maybe if she had loved him more, did more for him, he wouldn't have spent time with this other women. It wasn't your mother; she didn't do this to you." 

"When I was 10 I had the lead in the school play and he was suppose to come - he wasn't there because he had to work and couldn't make it." Sam's voice was breaking. "That was the first time he didn't show up to something important. His job kept him busy... He would always bring home something for each of us, and Naomi never seemed  
to notice that he was missing birthdays, holidays, and high school graduations." 

"Sam." 

"I know that it wasn't her fault. I just don't want my family right now. He … My father has … I need a little time." Sam turned his face away again. "I'm going to go to sleep now." 

Ainsley picked up his hand and held it in hers. His head had fallen to the side and it was the first time that she had seen the cut at the base of his skull. The sheet was only covering as far as his waist and it looked like they had glued the incision back together. She knew there was a drain running from the wound in his back, but she was glad that she couldn't see it. 

There were four patches on his chest: two for his heartbeat and two to monitor his temperature. "Don't let this get the better of you." Ainsley drew in a deep breath, "I still need someone to disagree with." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"How's he doing?" Leo asked as he walked into CJ's office. All three turned to look at him with no response. "They said he was doing better. He is doing better right?" 

"Yeah, he's doing better," Josh answered as he picked up the beer that was sitting on CJ's desk, "Ainsley is with him and Donna has gone to get some things from his apartment." 

"How is Renee doing?" Leo watched as they exchanged looks and again it was Josh who had to answer. 

"He doesn't want her here. She has offered to stay until he is able to go back to work, but he doesn't want her to." 

"Well, that's probably because he doesn't want to feel useless." Leo could see that none of them were convinced, "He doesn't want to have his mother look after him." 

"Yeah. I'm going to go down and see him now." CJ stood and picked up her coat, "You wanna come?" 

"I have some things to finish off. I come over in the morning on my way in." 

"Okay. 'Night." CJ said as she walked out of her office. 

"'Night," all three of them answered in unison. 

"What are you not telling me?" Leo sat on the edge of CJ's couch. 

"He didn't go home for a week; he hasn't spoken to his father and he's not here to see his son. I'm not sure that Sam is in a good place right now." Toby rubbed the top of his head, "I'll be in my office." Toby walked out of the room leaving Josh with a beer in his hand. 

"How are you doing?" Leo looked at Josh. 

"I'm gonna see Ainsley and get her to suggest that he talks to someone." 

"Do you think that he will?" 

"No, but after they go a few rounds I'll talk to him." Josh finished the beer in his hand, "I don't want him to go through it, Leo. I'm not sure how but I don't … he'll have to listen." 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Leo." 

"I wasn't sure that you would be awake?" 

"I sleep during the day, so I wake up early. That, and I would normally be on my way to work now." 

Leo scanned the room; there were flowers, bears and get-well cards. It scared him a bit that the room looked so much like Josh's did just months ago. He nodded his head to the couch in the corner of the room. "Did she stay the night?" 

"I think that one of the nurses got her a blanket." Sam looked over at Ainsley asleep on the couch. "I told her to go home, but when I woke up at three she was on the couch." 

"She cares. I wanted to see how you are." 

"Apart from the tubes and the pain … I'm fine." Sam smiled at Leo and looked up at the door as he heard a noise. "Mom, Naomi." 

"Hello, Renee. It's good to see again." Leo gave her a hug and then moved to Naomi, "How was the trip?" 

"Fine. Good." Naomi wasn't sure why everyone was being so nice. Her brother had just been moved out of intensive care and everyone was acting as if something had happened to her. 

"When are you going to go home?" Sam asked bluntly. 

"Sam!" Leo interrupted 

"I told you, Sam, that I would like to stay and make sure that you are alright." Renee picked up her son's hand. "If you would like me to stay." 

"Mom, I'm fine. I'll be back at work in a week or two, and until then I'll stay with Josh … You should go home; you have things you need to sort out." Sam didn't want to look at Leo and he didn't want to have to explain himself. A knock at the door saved Sam from questions and his mother from a response. 

"Good morning everyone." Dr. Hawley was shocked at the amount of people in the room. "You know most people aren't up this early." He picked up the chart at the end of Sam's bed. "I sorry folks but I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room for a minute." 

"I'll come back tonight." Leo placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Tell Ainsley that she can get to work when she gets there, she doesn't need to rush." 

"Thanks, Leo." 

"We'll go get some breakfast." Sam mother smiled at him, "We won't be long." 

"Take as long as you need." It sounded almost as if he didn't want them to come back. "Hi." Sam looked up at the doctor 

"Hi. It's quite a guest list you have going. I have had four phone calls from the first lady in only 36 hours, two from the President, and six from a very unpleasant man by the name of Toby." 

Sam laughed until he remembered that it hurt too much. Then it turned into a coughing fit that woke Ainsley. 

"Are you alright?" Ainsley looked to the doctor. "He wasn't coughing last night; he was fine talking and ---" 

"He's still fine. He'll be coughing for a few weeks I'm afraid. I need to take some blood and examine Sam, so if you would like to get some coffee I should be done in ten minutes or so." 

"She can stay," Sam managed between coughs, "if she …" Sam couldn't finish for coughing. He wasn't sure why he wanted her to stay only that he didn't want to be left on his own. 

"It's okay, Sam. I'll stay." Ainsley held his hand as the doctor removed the IV and used the catheter to draw blood, Ainsley looked away while they checked the punter wound and the incision where they had to remove his spleen. 

He told Sam that things were looking good. His temperature was coming down and there was no sign of infection in either wound. The scarring would be minimal but more noticeable from the knife wound. 

"That is good news, that you can go home on Saturday." Ainsley fixed the bed sheet and started to eat the toast and cereal that had been brought in by an orderly. 

"Hayes, you are the only who could eat after seeing that." 

"I didn't look and I can't think of anything that has ever put me off my food Sam." Ainsley picked up the glass of orange juice, "Do you still want your mother to go home?" 

"Yes. I'm going to have to stay with Josh. Donna will be there ---" 

"Donna will be there?" Ainsley didn't understand why Donna would be at Josh's - he had recovered from the shooting. Ainsley knew that Donna had gone to stay with him over Christmas, until he was seeing someone regularly, after the thing with the pilot. "If Donna's going to be the one looking after you, why doesn't she just go to your place? I mean where would you all sleep at Josh's?" 

"Oh," Sam wait a moment before going on, he forgot that Ainsley didn't know, "Donna didn't go home the second time. They are careful and spend time between his place and hers … he hates her neighbourhood." 

Ainsley didn't want to ask to many questions about Josh and Donna. "What about your family?" This, as it turned out, wasn't a good topic to be asking about either. 

"No." Sam put a little too much effort into his response and it showed on his face. 

"Sam?" Ainsley asked, concerned. She had thought that he would want to see his family, well, see his mother at least. 

"It's okay. I'm okay. I don't want them right now, Ainsley. I need time. … There are things that you don't understand, that you couldn't understand." 

"I could come and stay with you until you can get around by yourself … If you would like." 

XXXXXXXXXXX

"I think that there is more to this than he is letting on." Donna handed a mug to Mrs Bartlet as she sat down next to her on Josh's couch. "Ainsley is unsure as to what, just that there is more." 

"He's been through a lot in the last week." 

"She thinks that it might be because his father didn't come with his mother. Ainsley thinks that he was hoping that they would come together." 

"No matter how old kids get they still want their parents to be together." Mrs Bartlet was wondering what Donna would say; she had never let anyone know much of her own family. 

"Well at the moment he doesn't want his mother or sister with him, and no one has been able to talk him round." Donna looked around Josh's office thinking how close she came to losing him just months ago, and again at Christmas. 

"Donna?" Mrs Bartlet could see that she was lost in her own thoughts. 

"Sorry. He was willing to go stay with Josh until he was well enough." Donna laughed. "Josh couldn't look after himself let alone someone else." 

"You would have been there." Mrs Bartlet smiled into her cup as she watched Donna blush, "In the evening till they were fine, y'know, before you went home." 

"Yes … Mrs Bartlet …" 

"It's okay, Donna. He is going to stay with Ainsley?" 

"Yes. Yes, at his apartment, Ainsley thought he would be more comfortable at home." 

"We're happy, Jed and I. … Josh is like a son to Leo and Leo wants Josh to be happy. That would make Leo happy." Mrs. Bartlet placed her hand on Donna shoulder, "Take care of him for us." She smiled down at Donna before walking to the door, "God knows you're right … he can't look after himself." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Carol, is CJ in?" Ainsley liked Carol she was always smiling; she was one of the few who was nice to her from the beginning. 

"Yeah, she's called a full lid, you can go on in." 

"Thanks." Ainsley smiled back at Carol as she walked into CJ's office, "CJ?" Ainsley was looking around her office but couldn't see her, "CJ?" Ainsley said again, a little quieter this time. 

"I'm here." CJ popped her head up from under the desk, "Hi." 

"Hi. CJ, what are you doing under your desk?" 

"I dropped my glasses and I couldn't see them from my chair." 

"Oh." 

"How's Sam?" CJ cleaned her glasses before putting them on again. 

"That what I wanted to talk to you about---" 

"He's still doing fine? I spoke to him this morning, and he said that the doctor was going to left him go home on Saturday." 

Ainsley realized that she had worried CJ. "No, nothing like that, he's still fine. He is going home on Saturday and he was going to stay with Josh and--" 

"Yes, but there are still reporters in the building." 

"Well, Sam doesn't want his mother's help right now and things could be a little crowded at Josh's. So I'm going to stay with Sam at his place till he can get around on his own." Ainsley was nervous, she didn't know why, she had never been nervous of CJ. 

Donna walked into CJ's office. "Hey, you ready to go?" Donna looked up to see Ainsley was in the room as well. "Ainsley, I didn't know you had come back to work. Leo said that you were going to stay with Sam." 

"Toby and Josh are with him. Josh is telling him all the things he can do while he's at home." 

"Don't let him read anything to do with science, or the newspaper, and don't under any circumstances let him watch the discovery channel," Donna said as she stepped in front of CJ. "If he starts talking about being an outdoors man kill yourself." 

"We were going to go get a drink, do you want to come." CJ asked as she picked up her coat and looked over at Ainsley. "Come on we could all use a drink." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We were able to use most of your speech for the health bill, y'know, with grammar we were able to use most of what you had written." Toby finished talking as Josh's mobile rang. 

He walked into the corner of Sam's hospital room. "Josh Lyman … he's fine … tell her we'll stay until she gets back … take your time … Donna … I think that she could use a little time away … take care." Josh closed his phone and placed it back in his jacket. "That was Donna, her and CJ are taking Ainsley for a drink, I told her we'd stay until they got back." 

"We heard." Toby sat in the visitors' chair. 

"I can write things from home, while I'm off, I can---" 

"No." Josh was very quick to cut him off. 

"I won't come in. I can take my laptop and e-mail my stuff to Toby. I'll go crazy sitting around at home." 

"That's what's meant to happen, you read and watch the discovery channel." Josh replied 

"You could watch the adult education channel and learn when to use grammar." Toby moved uncomfortably in his chair. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sam told me. I think he thought that you would have told me." Ainsley paused for a moment looking directly at Donna, "Why did you tell me?" 

"When they came to me I told them not to tell anyone." CJ swayed on her stool as she answered for Donna. They had only been at the bar for an hour but in that time CJ had managed to out drink Ainsley and Donna. "You see something like this will be Chinese whispers by the time it landed in a reporter's lap." CJ swallowed what was left in her glass. "Donna wouldn't want to live with Josh, she is only there 'cause he is making her and you have the marriage problem. Don't take this the wrong way but republicans would have a field day." 

"Josh hates hiding it." Donna voice gave away that she wasn't too happy about it either. 

"How did you cope? What did you do when you found out that Josh had been shot?" Ainsley wanted some advice without having to ask for it, the big difference between Ainsley and Sam and Josh and Donna, was that Donna knew Josh liked her as more then a friend. Ainsley had no idea with Sam; she couldn't even be sure that he considered her that much of a friend. 

"I remember how stilly I must have looked to the secret service agent at the doors to the hospital. I told him who I was and to go get Josh. I forgot my pass and they wouldn't let me into the hospital. I didn't know that Josh had been shot, only that the President had been. I kept telling this guy over and over again that if he would just get someone to get Josh that he would tell him that it was okay to let me in." Donna picked up the glass that CJ had placed in front of her as she returned to the table. 

"I can still hear Toby's voice, Donna, Josh had been shot'. I don't remember anything but voices for a long time after that. I could hear them, could see people standing in front of me, but I couldn't make out what they were saying." Donna looked up to find that both Ainsley and CJ were focused on her. "I prayed for the next 14 hours. I just want him to wake up and yell at me to bring him something, anything. I stood watching the operation from the viewing room … the only thing I could think was that I might never get to tell him all the things that I wanted too. That it might be to late, there wasn't any more time left. I made a promise to God that I would be a better person, that I would tell Josh how I felt if he would just make it through, alive." Donna wiped her eyes with a napkin that was sitting on the edge of the table. 

"Hey, he did and you got to tell him." Ainsley said as she placed her hand on Donna's arm. 

"You see, I didn't tell him, I waited until Christmas. I came so close to losing him again, and I had to go through the prayers that he would make it through the second time before I kept any of my promises." Donna looked Ainsley directly in the eye, "Don't wait," Then she looked over at CJ, "You may not get a second chance." 

CJ wanted to lighted the mood. This was meant to give Ainsley a break from the hospital. "Hey, don't look at me. Danny left for a tour of African tribes. I don't think he cares for my opinion anymore, anyway." CJ realized that she didn't manage to lighten anything, "Not that I want to give it to him." CJ laughed at herself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

END OF PART 3


	4. It's the other stuff

Title: Sugar Tossing (4/?)  
Pairing: Sam & Ainsley, a little Josh & Donna  
Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!  
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

"Well as it turns out The First Lady and The President do know that about, y'know, Donna and …" Josh was waving his finger, pointing to himself and to Donna, "So I guess it is a good thing I still have my job … That is a good thing, right?" 

"Yeah. How do they know?" Sam asked as he watched Josh try to fold his things and put them into the bag that Ainsley had brought in. "How did they find out? I thought it was only CJ and I that knew? And I sure as hell haven't told anyone. I don't think that CJ would have---" 

Josh cut Sam off. "It was I… I told Leo," Josh said as he put the shirt he was holding down on the edge of Sam's bed. "I told Leo a few days after I told you guy. He is the closest thing I have to a father, and I wanted him to know." Josh dropped into the chair next to the bed and dipped his head, lowering his eyes to the floor. "I wanted his approval." Josh voice was very low as he spoke. 

"Josh?" 

"Well it's done now." Josh stood again, picked up the shirt, and carelessly stuffed it into the bag. 

"Josh," Sam began in a lowered voice. He waited for Josh to look up before he asked, "Did he… Did Leo approve?" 

Josh smiled. "Yeah." 

"So there's no reason for you to be worried. Leo's not gonna go running to the National Inquirer." Sam still couldn't move very well without a lot of pain, and this morning's drugs were being to wear off. "It must be good to have Leo. To have someone." 

"Sam, your father is still here." 

"I don't see him." 

"Sam, he--" 

"I don't want to do this right now, Josh. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go home." 

"You are, buddy. Ainsley's just getting your apartment ready first." 

"My apartment? What's wrong with my apartment?" Sam moved as much as he could without causing himself too much discomfort. 

"I think you're in there." Josh raised his head just enough to see the look on Sam's face. 

"Josh!" 

"If that's what you want don't let it go." 

"Josh! I don't know what you're talking about." Sam placed his hand over his stomach and let his head fall back on the pillow. 

"The hell you don't," Josh smirked. "I'm just saying, don't leave it till you nearly die again to do anything about it." 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Ainsley," Josh said, "didn't Sam arrange a better office for you?" 

"Well, I liked this one. Used to be no one ever came to visit, but I'm rethinking that after last week..." Ainsley pushed the top of her laptop down. 

"Okay. How's he doing?" 

"He's only been home for a day, but I think he is happier at home than he is at the hospital." 

"Trust me he is happier." 

"I'm going there for lunch did you want me to take something to him?" 

"No." Josh pointed at the chair and Ainsley nodded. "I wanted to talk to you about something." 

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" Ainsley was thinking it would be best to just get it out there and Donna had already warned her that he was on his way down. 

"Yeah. I want Sam to see someone. I don't want him to wait till it's too late, till he goes over the edge." Josh tried to speak as if he had never been through this, never seen what happens if you go over the edge. 

"His really doing fine with the stabbing at the moment; it's the other stuff he's having problem with." 

"Has he said something?" Josh asked as he moved forward in his seat. 

"No, it's more what he hasn't said." Ainsley hadn't talked to Sam much after they arrived home on Saturday, and he slept most of Sunday. He was only awake long enough this morning for Ainsley to tell him that she would be back for lunch and that Mrs Bartlet would be around to check on him. "He doesn't want to talk to his father, and he said that he was too tired to talk when his mother called. It's his family he's not coping with." Ainsley paused for a second, "This is going to sound strange, but he is behaving as if his father has died." 

"Ainsley … Sam and his Dad … Sam always wanted to be better and do better to please his Dad. His father was a huge player in the Democratic Party, and he would go to the office with him when he was young. One summer he didn't come away with us 'cause his father was going to be home for a week during the break." Josh had wished he had spent more time with his own father; he had always thought there would be more time. "He idolised him, and he has lost his father at least, who he thought his father was." 

"He's scared, Josh, but I not sure what of." 

"Of being what he always wanted to be - his father." Josh stood and walked Ainsley to the door, "I'll come over tonight and talk to him, if you don't mind?" 

"I'm not Donna, Josh. I don't have any rules. But would you mind waiting a few days, until he settles back in?" 

"Yeah, y'know the rules … never mind." Josh waved as he started for the stairs. "Take the office Sam got you," He yelled back over his shoulder. "That way I don't have to walk as far," he said to himself as he continued to walk, "and no stairs." 

"What are you complaining about?" 

"Jeezes, Donna, don't sneak up on a person like that." 

"I didn't sneak. I was waiting for you to come up, and Leo is waiting for you in Toby's office." Donna handed him a file as they walked toward the communications bullpen. "How's Ainsley?" 

"The sooner she moves offices the better." 

"What?" 

"Nothing. Did he say what it was about?" 

"No." 

"Should I take anything?" 

"I don't know." 

"What do I pay you for?" 

"I'm not sure," Donna said as they stopped outside Toby's door. 

"I've gotta go in there." 

"I'm getting lunch, do you want anything?" 

"It's not gonna mater what I ask for you're just going to get me a salad anyway." 

"Yes." 

"Go now." Josh smiled at her as he spoke 

"Okay." 

Josh watched Donna walk down the hall and around the corner before he opened the door and walked into Toby's office. "Hey." Josh looked at Leo sitting on the edge of Toby's desk and Toby with his head resting on his hands. "What?" 

"We want to talk to you about Sam." Toby said in an unusually caring and calm voice. 

"We want you to talk to him. We want him to see Stanley before, y'know, before he falls… y'know in the---" Leo was talking the entire time with his hands. 

"Leo. Toby." Josh held up his hand, "It's alright. I've been to see Ainsley and I'm going around to talk to him. I don't think that it's the mugging that will be the problem." Josh ran his hand up the back of his neck, "He'll be fine." 

"I hope so," Leo said as he got up to leave. 

"I'm gonna make sure of it Leo." 

Leo patted Josh on the shoulder as he walked out of Toby's office. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley opened the door with Sam's keys. She didn't know if he had a spare set and didn't want to ask for them. "Sam," She called quietly as she hung up her jacket and placed her bag on the armchair. "Sam, are you awake?" Ainsley walked into the kitchen and picked up the note that the day nurse had left on the counter. 

"Ainsley." 

"You're awake," Ainsley said as she walked into his room. "Sam?" She couldn't see Sam in his bed, so she moved to walk into the bathroom. "Didn't the nurse tell you I wouldn't be long? You shouldn't be getting around by yourself." Ainsley opened the door to the bathroom. "Sam?" Ainsley accent was thick as she turned to see that he wasn't in his bed or in the bathroom. 

"I'm down here," Sam said with some pain in his voice. 

"Sam!" She rushed to the other side of the room. "Sam, what are you doing?" 

"I'm laying on the floor." 

"I can see that. Are you alright?" 

"I can't get back into bed." Sam tried again to move but couldn't lift himself up from the floor. 

Ainsley bent down, placed her hand under his arm, and helped pull him to his feet and back on to the bed. "Why did you get out of bed?" 

"I wanted to watch television and nurse Frankenstein wouldn't let me get out of bed." 

"Do you think that maybe she has a point?" Ainsley picked the pillow up off the floor that had fallen from the bed with Sam. "Did you hurt yourself? Do you want me to call Dr. Hawley?" Ainsley asked as she placed the pillow back under his head. 

"No! No, I'm fine." 

"Are you hungry? I got you chicken soup; it's homemade chicken soup. Made for you." 

"Who made me homemade chicken soup?" 

"Rusher." 

"Congresswomen Rusher made me chicken soup?" 

"Yes." 

"Republican Congresswomen Rusher?" 

"Yes Sam." 

"You're going to eat some first, right?" 

"Do you think that if you eat the soup you will turn into a republican?" 

"Well…" 

"Sam, do you want the soup?" 

"Yes, please." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Donna!" 

"Josh how many times do I have to tell you not to yell?" 

"Is Ainsley is her office?" 

"I'm not sure. Since Sam came home from the hospital she has been going home a couple of times a day." Donna watched as Josh tapped his finger on the desk three times. "Josh? Is something wrong?" 

"That was Renee." 

"Sam's mother?" Donna asked very surprised. 

"Yeah. She has been ringing Sam's apartment for the last half an hour and he's not answering." The concern was growing on Josh's face. "Ainsley said that he was getting around now. She said that he was okay, right?" Josh looked up at Donna. "When we were there the other night he was walking okay, wasn't he?" 

"He was fine. Do you want me to call him?" 

"I tried, but he didn't answer." Josh walked out from behind his desk. "I'm going to go around there." 

"Josh." Donna reached out her hand and grabbed his arm. "Don't go. Send Ainsley. He'll be expecting her." Donna waited for Josh to stop pushing on her hand. "You hated everyone rushing over to you every time they thought something was wrong." 

"What if something is wrong?" 

"Send Ainsley. She'll be going there anyway." 

END OF PART 4


	5. I would like to get away

Title: Sugar Tossing (5/?)  
Pairing: Sam & Ainsley, a little Josh & Donna  
Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!  
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sam!" Ainsley pushed the door so hard to open it that it hit the wall. "Sam!" Ainsley yelled for the second time. "Sam! Where are you?" Ainsley rushed into his bedroom. "Sam!" 

"Ainsley do you want to keep your voice down." Sam walked into the doorway of the guest room. 

"Sam." Ainsley rushed out of Sam's room to see him standing in front of her, standing perfectly fine. "Sam I called and you didn't answer." 

"I heard you call, and I answered, but in-case you didn't notice I'm not moving that fast at the moment." 

"No, I called." 

"Yes I heard you and I came as quickly as I could, but like I said I'm not moving that fast." 

"No, Sam. I called and so did your mother. Josh called and you didn't answer the phone. I thought... Sam, you didn't answer the phone." 

"I didn't want to talk to anyone. I guessed that if you wanted me you would call my cell." 

"Sam, I thought …" Ainsley walked to the couch and sat down heavily at one end. "How long are you going to do this?" 

"Do what?" Sam was just getting to couch as he spoke. 

"You are going to have to talk to them; you can't avoid talking to your family forever." 

"I can't?" Sam voice was a mix of anger and frustration. 

"No … I don't understand." Ainsley moved a little close to Sam, placed her hand over his, and with a soft voice said, "Sam, I don't understand why you are doing this." 

Sam pulled his hand away. "No you don't Ainsley 'cause your family's fine. You ring up and talk to your mum and then your dad, and they are fine Ainsley. Your Dad was at your graduation, better than that he was at every one of your birthdays, your school plays. He… He didn't tell you he was working and as it turned out he was with his other family!" Sam got up and slowly started to walk toward his room. 

"Sam--" 

"I'm tried. I'm going to go to sleep. I'll see you when you get home tonight." 

XXXXXXXXXX

"Josh Lyman's office please … Donna, it's me … No, he's fine, he didn't want to talk to anyone … Yeah I told him that, and then he basically kicked me out … He'll get over it … Is Josh there? … Thanks … Hey, Josh, I was hoping that you would be able to come over tonight … No, everything is fine. I think he needs someone to talk too … He's not talking to me … No, Josh, but if you could come around tonight that would be great … Thank you, Josh. I'm on my way back to the office now." Ainsley looked back up at Sam's apartment from the street. She was beginning to think that this wasn't working out. She had meant to make it easier on him, but now she was making it harder, rushing home because he didn't answer his phone. Why didn't she try his cell? 

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam opened the door as Ainsley went to put her key in the lock. "I had the doorman give me a call when you got home. I mean, when you arrived here." Sam stepped aside for her to walk into the apartment, he took her coat and hung it on the coat rack behind the door. "I wanted to say sorry for my outburst this afternoon. It's not your … It's not you I should take my frustrations out on." Sam closed the door, "I went and got dinner." 

"You ordered dinner?" 

"No I went and got it." 

"Sam, you're only meant to walk a few minutes at a time. It's only been a week and a half since …" Ainsley trailed off not wanting to remind Sam of what he already knew. 

"I feel fine. I think I could go back to work, y'know." 

"Mrs Bartlet said that you had to wait five weeks, and Leo is going to make you wait five weeks." Ainsley opened the bottle that Sam handed her. "Thanks." She turned to walk to the living room when there was a knock at the door, "Oh, I invited Josh and Donna over for dinner. I wasn't sure if you were going to feel like my company." Ainsley smiled at Sam and then walked over to the door and let them in. 

"Sam, it's great to see you." Donna gave him a kiss on the cheek and held up a bottle of wine, "It's non-alcoholic." 

"Hey buddy," Josh held out his hand and then pulled him into a hug, "You look great!" 

"They won't let me go back to work." 

"Yeah I know how that is." 

"We'll get dinner if you guys want to watch some football or something?" Ainsley called back as she and Donna walked into the kitchen. 

"She wants you to watch football?" Josh asked as they sat on the couch. 

"I went and made her dinner." Sam smiled 

"'Cause you yelled at her." 

"Yeah, I yelled at her, I shouldn't have yelled at her … It wasn't her fault." 

"Your father?" 

"Yeah. I don't want to do this, not now. I don't want to do this right now... I want a beer." Sam looked hopefully at Josh

"I don't think that you're going to get it." 

"You could sneak me one." 

"I like my life, y'know, with Donna. I was kind of hoping it wasn't going to end just yet." 

"Dinner is served." Ainsley handed Josh a beer and Sam a bottle of water. 

"Donna brought wine that I could drink." 

"Dr. Hawley and Dr Bartlet both said that you should only drink water, so I gave you water." 

Sam looked over at Josh, "When does this stop?" 

"It doesn't." Donna hit Josh as he spoke, "Oww, that hurt." 

"You mock me 'cause I care." 

"Well, there's no way I can get out of this is there?" Josh was still rubbing his arm. 

"No," Sam answered 

Sam and Josh walked to the table. Ainsley placed plates in front of Sam and Josh, while Donna walked out of the kitchen with hers and Ainsley's. 

"Josh would you like another beer?" Ainsley asked 

"I would like one." Sam looked up at Ainsley 

"No!" Ainsley again turned to Josh, "Would you like another drink, Josh?" 

Josh looked over at Sam, "No, I'm right, thanks." 

After dinner Sam and Josh went back to watching the game on television, and Donna and Ainsley to the kitchen. 

Ainsley started to pack the dishwasher. "I'm not sure, Donna. I come over, he yells, and walks away." She stopped packing and looked up at Donna, "I don't know if I should be here or just get him a night nurse." 

"Didn't the day nurse refuse to stay with him? Don't they just call and check three times a day?" Donna was sitting on the kitchen bench watching Ainsley. 

"Yeah. He really doesn't need them right now. The physio is the worst part; he always seems to be in so much pain after they've been." 

"If it makes you feel better the nurses at G.W gave me cards wishing me luck, and then there was an argument about who was going to be his day nurse," Donna jumped down, opened the fridge, and pulled out a bottle of juice, "So much so that the First Lady had to ring one of her friends, and then it was decided it would be best if each nurse only had to spend half a day with Josh. He went through four physiotherapists in three days and I had to beg the fifth one to stay throughout the week. You still have the same physio right?" 

"Yeah. I know that it is another three and a half weeks till he can go back to work, but I think he could go back. I know that he should rest, but I can understand he must be going crazy sitting around here." 

"Don't let him go back too soon. Josh came back a month and half early and look what happened there. Give him time, and when he's ready get him to talk to someone. Has he talked?" Donna asked a little hesitantly. 

"No. I don't think that it's the stabbing but everyone is acting like it is. I don't think that's it." 

"His family?" Donna moved to pull herself back up on the bench. 

"But he's not talking about that either, and he won't take phone calls from his mother. His father hasn't tried to call that I'm aware of. I think that's what's hurting the most." As Ainsley finished they looked up to see Josh standing in the entrance. "Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah. Sam's tired and we've got to leave at five-tomorrow morning. We'd best get going." 

Ainsley walked them to the door. Donna gave her a hug and told her that it would all be fine. Ainsley turned to see that Sam had already gone to bed. She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and his painkillers. As she walked into his bedroom she could hear the shower running in his bathroom. 

"Sam, I'm just putting a glass of water and your pain killer next to your bed. I didn't---" Ainsley was cut off 

"What?" Sam yelled from his bathroom 

Ainsley pushed the door open far enough for her head to poke through. "I'm opening the door," she called before she leaned in. "I said that I haven't seen you take your tables yet, so I put them, and a glass of water, next to your bed." 

Sam push the shower door open to stick his head out, "Thanks. I'm getting out now." 

Ainsley walked back into Sam's bedroom to wait for him. She opened the top draw next to his bed and pulled out the cream and second skin patch that needed to go over the wound on his back. 

"Do we have to use the cream?" Sam asked as he opened the door and walked out with escaping steam. 

Ainsley was shocked to see him only wearing a towel. She'd had to dress his back once before but normally the day nurse would do this. Sam was always wearing a shirt and would pull it up just enough to see the wound and dress it. "Yes, we do. They said that it will help to reduce the scaring." 

"Not getting stabbed would have helped with that." Sam laid on his stomach, pulling his pillow under his head. 

Ainsley sat next to him and started to remove the patch. She then poured the antiseptic liquid onto a pad to clean the wound. "I was thinking---" 

"That hurts." Sam drew in a sharp breath. 

"I assume you mean the antiseptic, and not my thinking?" 

"Yeah, sorry, what were you saying?" 

"I was thinking that it might be best for you to get away; you're going out of your mind sitting around here and you have another three weeks to go." Ainsley started to dab the cut with the cream and Sam's breathing started to get notably heavier. 

"You want to get rid of me?" Sam was trying to joke but the pain was evident in his voice. 

"No I would like to take you to my parents holiday home at Hilton Head. There is a heated pool, so you can continue your physio. It's on the beach, a big old house, seven bedrooms, two living rooms, and a games room. You will have plenty of space to yourself, no one will know who you are, and no one there will know what has happened in the last couple of weeks." It was Ainsley's last words that brought a smile to Sam's face. "It's a little warmer there than it is here  
so it should help you get over the last of your pneumonia." 

"I have a cold, not pneumonia." 

"Well I'll pack the ventilator anyway." Ainsley placed the patch over the cut on his back and tapped the top of his shoulder to let him know she was finished, "No wonder the nurses don't want to deal with you." 

"Would you believe that they don't want an explanation for the ramifications of the war in the Middle East or why we need foreign aid?" Sam eased himself off the bed and walked toward his tall boy, he opened the top draw and pulled out his boxers and an old t-shirt. He picked up a photo and handed it to Ainsley, "It was all a lie; he stands there smiling all the time knowing it was a lie. How could he do that to us and believe that when I found out we could just go on like nothing had ever happened?" 

Ainsley looked at the photo. Sam's father had his arm around his wife, his hand on his daughter's shoulder, and Sam standing tall next to him. The perfect family. This picture hid all the secrets that lay beneath. "I don't know, Sam." 

"No, how could anyone know." Sam sat down next to Ainsley. "There's more … My Dad has … He and this women … They … There's …" Sam took the picture from Ainsley, and she waited for him to finish what he had been trying to tell her. Something new. Maybe what had really been eating at him for the past few weeks? "I would like to get away." 

END OF PART 5


	6. Oh God, Sam, please wake up

Title: Sugar Tossing (6/?)  
Pairing: Sam & Ainsley, a little Josh & Donna  
Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!  
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam awoke as the car slowed down. Ainsley had picked up the hire car and driven them from the airport. She had said that it was only a short drive - halfway round the island. They had pulled into a narrow street with the houses on the left and the ocean on the right; all the houses were tall and narrow, with three or four stories, white fences, and paths that seemed to lead to the sand. 

Ainsley pulled into the driveway of the house at the end of the street; Sam didn't know what he was expecting but this wasn't it. The house had three levels like most of the others in the street, but it wasn't narrow. It would have been at least twice as long as any of the others. It was also set further back than the others but had the same fence and path that led down to the ocean. 

"Sam?" Ainsley asked, after opening his door. "Are you right to get out? Are you in pain?" 

"No. I'm fine, thanks," Sam replied, smiling at Ainsley as he lifted himself out of the car. "Nice place." 

"Mom, Ryan, Mackenzie, and I would come down here every summer." Ainsley spun around letting her hair fly out like a veil around her head. "Dad would come down on weekends and he would always take July off to spend the middle of summer with us." 

"Mackenzie?" Sam asked with a questioning tone, wanting to change the subject from holidays with the family. "Guess Ainsley isn't that bad after all." 

"What's wrong with my name?" 

"Nothing, Hayes, nothing at all." Sam walked to the back of the car and popped the trunk. "One thing you could do is not say, Ainsley, with an n'," Sam put on his best southern accent, "when you introduce yourself." 

Ainsley laughed at him. "That would have to be the worst accent I have ever heard." She was so happy to hear him getting back to himself. "No!" Ainsley rushed to grab the bag that Sam was lifting, "I don't know where the hospital is when you pop your stitches." 

"Staples." Sam put the bag down, "I have staples in my stomach and you don't know where the hospital is?" Sam looked at Ainsley holding her make-up bag and one of his bags, "You don't know where the hospital is? You came every summer and you or Mackenzie never fell off anything?" 

"No." Ainsley started to walk up the stairs. 

Sam grabbed her bag out of the car while she wasn't looking. "Ryan never pushed one of you down the stairs?" 

"No, Sam, we were a normal family," Ainsley retorted as she put the key in the front door. "You pushed your sister down the stairs?" 

"It was an accident … Well … I told Mom it was an accident." 

"Sam!" 

"What? We were a normal family too, well, mostly." 

Ainsley had managed to do exactly what she hadn't wanted to do; she wanted to take his mind of his family and she had brought him right to back to it. "I'm sorry, Sam." 

"For what?" Sam smiled and walked into the house. He turned and pointed to what he guessed would lead to the upstairs bedrooms. 

"Up the stairs and then turn to the left. Yours is the second room on the left." Ainsley walked up behind him. "I'm going to have a shower and freshen up. We'll have to go down to the store and do some grocery shopping before six." 

"Okay, why six?" 

"That's when it closes." Ainsley smiled at him as she disappeared into the room next to Sam's. "You're not in the city anymore." 

Sam could hear her laughing as he put his bag down. He looked around the room, in the center of which sat a large old four-poster bed. He opened the door that led into a walk-in closet, while the next door led to his bathroom, with a spa he noted with great surprise. He walked to the other side of the room and pulled back the heavy curtains to reveal two double French doors. He paused for a moment then pushed them open and walked out on the balcony. The view was amazing - white sand and blue ocean as far as he could see. Leaning on the rail, he couldn't think of anywhere else he could possibly want to be right now. He pulled his cell out of his pocket, stared at the screen for a few seconds, and then turned it off. 

He walked back down the stairs and into the back through the doors that were opposite the stairs that he had taken to the bedroom, and he found himself in the middle of the living room. There was a large fireplace in one corner and two huge windows that looked out over the ocean. Sam continued to walk through the room and into the kitchen; he looked around and opened the fridge to find it empty, with one exception - a can of fresca. He pulled the note off the can, I saved the last one for you, Mackenzie.' Sam put the note on top of the can and closed the fridge. 

"Sam! Sam!!" Ainsley was yelling from the door of her room, "Sam!" The last one can out in an almost exhorted tone. 

He smiled and walked toward the stairs. "Miss me already?" He yelled in response. 

"My bag, Sam. I don't have my bag." Ainsley was leaning out from behind her bedroom door, "I've got your bag, but I didn't bring mine inside." Ainsley watched him walk up the last of the stairs, "Can I borrow some of yours till I get mine from the car." 

Sam was about to tell her that he had her bag in his room, also by mistake. "Yeah, I've got some sweat pants and a shirt in there." 

"Thanks, Sam." Ainsley disappeared back into her room as Sam sat on the top step. 

"There's a note in the fridge from your sister." Sam looked up to see that the wall leading down the staircase had family pictures hanging along it; he hadn't noticed them before. "Is this the two of you at the beach?" Sam stood looking at the two young girls both holding up a fish, wide smiles on their similar faces. "You both look so much alike." 

"They used to call us twins. Mackenzie's 11 months older than me." Ainsley walked up behind Sam in over-sized pants and shirt. "For one month every year we were twins." She took the frame from the wall. "Dad would take Ryan fishing and we would always want to come, but would you believe that he thought we would talk too much and scare the fish away?" She placed it back on the wall. "So we begged him until he finally gave in and let us come with him. That was the only fish that anyone caught that day." Ainsley laughed a little before she added, "Being quiet for that long almost killed us and we never wanted to go back." 

Sam smiled at Ainsley as she said down next to him. "So, you're close to Mackenzie?" 

"We did everything together. Mom held Mackenzie back a year so we were in the same year at school, right up until college. She always wanted to help people; when she was sixteen she decided the best way she could do that was to become a doctor." 

"That's not a bad way. Where does she work?" Sam was a little surprised with Ainsley's family; he had assumed they would all be loud republicans. 

"Gaza. As soon as she could she signed up with Doctors Without Boarders, and in the last three years she has been stationed in Liberia, Southern Sudan, and now Gaza." 

"You must worry about her." 

Yeah. She calls when she can, and e-mails, but e-mail's not very good over there," Ainsley pointed to the photo that she had placed back on the wall. "We had to put the fish back; she didn't want to kill anything. … So I leave the can in the fridge … for when she comes home." Ainsley stood, "I'm going to get my things out of the car, and then we'll go to the store." 

Sam followed Ainsley down the stairs and waited next to the door while Ainsley waved to the some guy over the fence. She pulled another smaller bag out of the trunk of the car, walked to the passengers side of the car, opened the back door, and then closed it again almost immediately. 

When she made it back to house she was holding only her makeup bag in her left hand. "What's wrong?" Sam asked with a wry smile on his face. 

"I forgot my bag? I know that I packed it. I put it in the truck of the car before I put yours in, but it's not there." 

"It might be the bag that's in my room. I brought a bag in as I thought it was mine." 

"Well why didn't you tell me that when I said that I had your bag in my room?" 

"I forgot." 

"You forgot? You let me walk outside! Looking like this?" Ainsley almost pushed him over as she walked past him and up the stairs to her room. 

"I'm sick; you should be nice to me," he yelled after her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We arrived fine … It was a long flight but Sam slept most of the way … No, he went for a walk along the beach and he seems much more like himself … He is resting now … I'm not sure. Babish gave me the three weeks, but I think that has something to do with Leo … He turned it back on when we picked up the hire car … I'll ask him to call you when he wakes up … Thanks, Josh. Tell Donna I'll give her a call in a few days … Bye." 

Ainsley ate dinner and watched CNN for a few hours before she went to check on Sam. She found him sitting on the balcony with a beer in his hand. She tapped on the door and walked to the open French doors. "It's cool in here," she commented. 

"There's no snow, so you could say that it's a lot warmer than where we were this morning." 

Ainsley sat in the chair next to Sam's. "I didn't see you buy beer." 

"You need to be a little more observant; that's a bag and a six-pack of beer I've got past you now." He pulled one out of the box and handed it to her. 

"You shouldn't be drinking while you're still taking medication." Ainsley opened the beer she was handed. "I was talking to Josh a few hours ago. He said that your mother had called him again and that she and Josh have both tried your cell but they are only getting your voice mail." 

"It was off when we were on the plane. I'll give Josh a call in the morning," Sam replied, concentrating on the beer bottle. 

"And your mother? Are you going to give her a call?" Ainsley waited but Sam didn't even appear to have heard what she had said. "It's not your mother's fault that your father hasn't call, nor for what he did Sam. … You can't continue to blame her for this, Sam."

"I'm not; I don't blame her for what happened. I did at first but that's not it." He took another sip of his beer before adding, "I spoke to my Dad the night I was attacked. I talked to him for a little while about, you know, normal things, and then, then … well, he thought it would be best to tell me the whole story, y'know, before I heard that part from someone else." 

"What do you mean the 'whole story'?" Ainsley was thinking that there couldn't be more to this story. "The night I left you at the White House you talked to your father and now you're not talking to your mother?" 

"I can't. If I talk to her I would have to tell her. Mom doesn't know … He's a coward …" Sam focused directly on Ainsley. "He's a coward … so it's left to me. He knows that as soon as I talk to her I will have to tell. He did it so that he doesn't have to." 

Ainsley was confused; she didn't understand to what Sam was referring. "Doesn't have to tell your mother what? Didn't your mother tell you what was going on?" 

"He has another family, Ainsley, a whole other family." Sam stood and walked to the edge of the balcony. He turned and leaned against the railing. "I have two half sisters. I have a family that I never knew about. My mom is heart-broken and now … now I have to tell her that not only was there another women but he has other children." He ran his hand through his hair before asking, "How am I meant to do that, Ainsley? How?"

"Sam …" Ainsley didn't know what to say, didn't know how to respond. "I don't know what to say." 

"What can you say?" 

"You haven't spoken to your father since that night?" 

"No, he's been living with them since he was caught. I don't know how he could do that to us." Sam sat back down. Ainsley walked back into his room and returned with a coat. "Thanks … He said that it would have been the end of his career if he had left Mom and let the truth come out." 

"What are you going to do? You have to talk to your mother. I know you don't want to hurt her anymore, but what do you think you are doing to her by not returning her phone calls?" 

Sam still had a lost expression on his face. "I know," he replied despondently. 

"Do you know anything about them?" Ainsley asked, wanting Sam to open up. 

"The eldest is 25, a year older then Naomi, and her name is Rachael. Mom and Dad were going to call me Rachael if I was a girl, so when Naomi was born Mom wanted to call her Rachael and Dad wouldn't have it … They were fighting about it," Sam laughed a bit to himself, "Naomi was almost eight weeks old before she had a name." Sam took the next beer out of the carton. "He already had a Rachael. My other little sister's name is Chloe and she is only 18 - I was older than that when she was born." Sam was restless; he wasn't sure how Ainsley would be taking all this information. "She, Chloe, is going to start at Princeton in the fall. She wants to be a lawyer." 

"Dad said he was sorry he wasn't there for all the important things, but he had to be at their stuff as well. He was sorry … He didn't think that maybe telling us about them was one of those important things?" Sam looked at Ainsley to find her shaking from the cold. "I'm sorry, you're cold, we'll go inside." 

"I'm fine." Ainsley pulled her coat tighter around herself. 

"Hayes, look at you, you're shaking. Let's go inside." Sam held out his hand to help her up. "We can go sit in front of the fire." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam sat on the edge of his bed looking at his cell, tossing it from hand to hand before opening it, and then closing it again. He finally opened it and turned it back on. When Ainsley appeared at his door he snapped it shut again. 

"You are meant to use it not play with it you know. I'm going to go  
to bed, is there anything you need?" 

Sam shook his head. "No, thanks." 

"You're feeling fine?" 

"Yes. I'll see you in the morning." 

Ainsley went to move then stopped. "You know it's two here but in L.A it's still only eleven." Ainsley waited a moment before she added, "It's the same time in D.C as it is here… You could still call Josh; he would be up, I'm sure." With that she turned and walked into the next room not waiting for a response. 

"Hey, buddy, it's me … I know, Ainsley told me. I forgot to turn it back on … Fine, everything is fine … … No, it's nice being here near the beach, and this is the most amazing house. I haven't been up on the third level yet. Anyway, how are things at the office? … How is Toby going? … Has he got any help? I mean if he e-mailed me some stuff, I could help … No I was thinking that you could ask him and then you or Toby could tell Ainsley … I didn't think so … … I know  
she called you. I'm going to call her tomorrow. Then I'm going to go home for a week I think that Mom will want me there, at least I hope she will … No, I haven't said anything to Ainsley about going home, why? … … No, she didn't tell me … No, it's not a problem; you guys would love it down here. Tell Donna that the shops aren't open after six. … They're really not open past six, it's great. … Yeah, bye … Hey, Josh? … Nothin'. Get some sleep and I'll see you in a few days." Sam closed his cell and grabbed the packet of painkillers and the glass of water that were sitting next to his bed. 

Sitting in the cold had made the dull throb in his back into a sharp pain that prevented him from being able to lie on his back or stand straight. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam stood out on his balcony with his coat pulled loosely around him; the nights here were still cold but the days were beginning to warm. There would still be snow on the ground in D.C. He watched as Ainsley jogged back up the path and into the front yard, stopping to talk to the old guy in the next house. He always seemed to be in his front yard doing something with the garden or the fence. Ainsley still hadn't told him that Josh and Donna would be arriving to stay  
for the weekend. 

As Ainsley was talking to the neighbour as a car pulled slowly into the drive and she began to wave at the driver. Josh climbed out of the passenger's side and then Donna from the drivers. Sam could see what was going on; he watched as Ainsley gave Josh a kiss on the check and Donna a hug, but he couldn't hear what they were saying. Josh popped the trunk and then he could hear Josh telling Donna that she wouldn't help him with the bags. 

Sam smiled to himself, turned, and walked back into his room. He changed into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, took two of his tablets, and walked into the hall before starting down the stairs. 

"Sam, is that you?" Ainsley called from the bottom of the staircase. 

"Who else would it be?"

"We've got visitors," Ainsley said as Sam turned the corner and then took the last few steps to reach the bottom. "Josh and Donna are here for the weekend." 

"So I can see." Sam hugged Josh and patted him on the back a few times, and then gave Donna a kiss. "How was the flight?" 

"That's all you've got to say? We show up out of nowhere and you just want to know how our flight was?" Donna asked, feigning surprise. 

Josh gave Sam a look and then he shrugged his shoulders. "Well …" 

"Josh told you?" Ainsley asked, already knowing the answer. "I wanted it to be a surprise." 

"It kind of slipped out and," Josh turned to face Donna, "nobody told me that it was meant to be a surprise." 

"Come and I'll show you guys to your room where you can freshen up." Ainsley started up the stairs, "Have you eaten this morning?" 

"At least it wouldn't be hard to work out how to win you over, Hayes." Sam said under his breath, following Josh and Donna up the stairs. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey." Josh sat in the sun chair next to Sam. "The girls have left for Hardeeville; would you believe there is a town named that? It's about 40 miles away." 

Sam gave him a half-smile and continued to stare at the pool. "Ainsley hasn't pushed too hard yet but I haven't been in the pool." 

"How is the pain?" Josh hadn't asked Sam how he was since he left the hospital, but he knew that just because you had left it didn't mean the pain had gone. Sam wasn't answering him. "Are you still taking the painkillers?" 

"Yeah, the pain in my back comes and goes, mostly with the cold. I've got this headache … it's a constant beating at the base of my skull; I take the painkillers but it won't go away." Sam moved back to face Josh, "I think it's getting worse … does it get worse?" 

"The pain in my head got worse, but I did smack it on the concrete when I fell." Josh waited to ask what he had come here this weekend to ask, what he wanted to know." Sam, is it from the fall or other things?" He hesitantly asked him. It was a question that, when asked of him, he couldn't answer. 

"How did this happen, Josh? What did I do for my life to fall apart like this? Three weeks ago I had a family." Sam looked up at Josh, "Only one family. I was healthy and I could go to work. Now … Now I've lost everything." 

"Sam you haven't lost anything. You'll be back at work in a few weeks. Your family has changed a little, but it might turn out to be for the best." 

"NO! Josh I had everything and now I've lost it all. In one week, Josh, I lost it all in one week. I don't know what to do now." 

Josh took a deep breath and wasn't sure if he was about to ask the right question. "Sam, are you worried that you will turn out like him?" 

Sam opened his mouth and then closed it again. He looked out over the yard and then back to Josh. "That's all I've ever wanted." 

"Sam you are, but in all the right ways. You have turned out to be all the good things, all the things you thought that he was you have turned into. Have you ever let anyone down?" Josh put his hand on Sam's shoulder, "You were the first person to jump to Ainsley's defence when everyone else wanted to treat her as an intruder. You have always wanted to do the right thing, not just be seen doing the right thing. With Laurie, with education, and with the tanker you were willing to be disbarred to try and make them pay for what they did." Sam looked up in shock as Josh spoke, "Ainsley told me, she was worried that you were going to try and talk Leo into something, I'm not sure what but something." 

"I never thought that Dad would ever have done anything wrong, never let anyone down. He was the one who taught me to do the right thing, not just look like it - and the whole time he was only looking like he was." 

"Sam?" 

"I might, Josh. You cannot guarantee that I won't end up like him." 

"Sam, I have known you my whole adult life, and you were never anything but totally honest. How many times were you kicked out of class for telling the lecturer that he was wrong? How many times have you said that we should do what's right not just appear to." Josh's voice softened a little, "You never did anything wrong by Lisa. Not even after what she put you through." Josh and Sam both sat watching the pool. "You should talk to Ainsley, before she finds someone who is, y'know, a … republican." 

"I'm not---" 

"Yeah right!" Josh laughed at Sam as he moved uncomfortably in his chair 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sam walked out onto his balcony; it was a beautiful February day. He couldn't believe the difference between D.C weather and the weather here. As he leaned forward over the edge of the balcony he noticed that Ainsley was jogging back from the beach. A dog ran up to her and then away again. 

He smiled and watched as the sunlight danced through her golden hair. Sam didn't think that he'd ever seen her look so happy or relaxed. She was wearing only a singlet top and running pants with her hair loosely pulled back. 

Sam slowly walked back down to the front porch. He smiled at the neighbor who was standing at his front fence watching Ainsley with his dog. 

"Hello there," he called to Sam with a thick southern accent and waved. 

"Hi." 

"Grant Morgan." 

Sam walked down to the join in the two fences, and held out his hand. "Sam Seaborn." 

"I haven't seen you around before, so I guess you're not a family member." 

Sam smiled and turned a little pink in the cheeks. "No, we're friends." 

"Ah, so what do you do?" 

"I work with Ainsley," Sam replied in a surprised voice. 

"You're a lawyer too. Smart girls, those two. Couldn't tell em apart when they were young … They were both trying to change the world, make it a better place." 

"That sounds like Ainsley." 

"Pretty girl." 

"That she is." Sam smiled, not taking his eyes off a jogging Ainsley and the playful dog. 

"Y'know I haven't seen the family down here at this time of year." Grant gave Sam a sideways look. 

"It wasn't a planned holiday," Sam was beginning to like that no one knew who he was or why he was here, and was happy to see Ainsley jog up to him. "Hey." 

"Hey." She then turned, "Morning, Mr. Morgan. Thanks for letting me take Murray for a run." 

"Anytime. Nice to meet you, Mr. Seaborn." 

"You too," Sam replied as he shook Grant Morgan's hand again. He then placed his hand on Ainsley's back and started toward the house. "You were right." 

"I always am." 

"And modest. I made breakfast; are you hungry?" Sam held open the front door for Ainsley to walk in. "Forget I asked, it's on the bench." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ainsley stood at the side of the pool. It had been a week since Josh and Donna had gone back to D.C and Sam seemed to have returned to his old self. He had called his Mom a few times and he wasn't complaining about the pain in his back. The best thing of all was that he had thrown himself into his physio. 

"You coming in?" Sam asked with a shy smile. 

"No," Ainsley replied, crouching next to the edge of the pool, "I was thinking that we could go out for dinner tonight." Wrapping her arms around her legs she added, "We could go to the restaurant on the pier." 

Sam swam over to the edge and held himself up, resting his arms on the edge, in front of Ainsley. "Do you get to pick your own fish, or even better do they have lobster?" Sam placed his hand on top of Ainsley's arm. 

"You wouldn't eat a live fish." 

"No, they take it out the back and cook it up; it won't be alive when I eat it. No need to worry, Hayes." Sam smiled again at Ainsley. "Sure you don't want to come for a swim?" 

"No, it's too cold." Ainsley moved a little as Sam tightened his grip on her arm. 

"No," Sam said as he pulled Ainsley into the pool. He waited for her to surface. "See, it's not cold in here." Sam could not hold back his laughter at Ainsley distress. 

"SAM!" Ainsley wiped her hair from her face and coughed a little, trying to catch her breath. "Sam, why did you do that?" 

"To show you it's warm. I've been swimming for a week now and you wouldn't come and join me." Sam smiled still holding Ainsley so her head was above the water. 

"You could have just told me." Ainsley was trying to get out of the pool. 

"I did, three times this week, and you still haven't come for a swim." Sam followed her out of the pool and handed Ainsley his towel. "So are we still on for dinner?" 

"What would make you think that I would still want to go to dinner with you after that?" 

"You're still coming," Sam said as he began to walk away, "you wouldn't miss the food." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

"Oh my God, I couldn't eat another thing." Ainsley placed her hands over her stomach. Sam picked up the last of the pasta with his fork and held it in front of her. "No, no, I couldn't eat it." 

"Come on, it's the last bit." Sam cocked his head to one side and smiled, "Come on, Hayes, you've never refused good food." Ainsley took the last of the pasta from Sam and as she did he straightened his head and felt a sharp pain at the base of his skull. "Ahh!" 

"Sam? What is it?" Ainsley placed her napkin on the table and moved a little closer to him. 

"Nothing. Just a pain, but it's gone now." Sam rubbed the back of his head trying to make the pain go away; as he did the waiter approached the table. 

"Will you be having dessert tonight?" He was holding the menus in his hands. 

"No, we have to be getting home." Ainsley replied, starting to stand. 

"No," Sam placed his hand on her leg, "do you have muffins?" 

"No, sir, but we do have a very nice butterscotch in a chocolate sauce … Would that be to your liking, sir." 

"Yes, thank you. That will be fine." Sam waited for the waiter to leave. "I'm going to go to the restroom. I'm fine, before you ask, it was just a small pain and it's gone now." 

Sam leaned up against the door of the restroom and pulled the painkillers out of his pocket, swallowing two. In the past few days it felt like the pressure was building in his head. He didn't want anything to go wrong now; he would be back at work next week. Everything was getting back to normal. He still wasn't talking to his father even through he was the one who ended up breaking the news to his mother, who hadn't taken the news as badly as Sam had first thought she would. He was beginning to think that his mother had known what was going on but had never wanted to admit it. 

He needed this pain to go away before he could go back to the table, and these tablets weren't working as well as they had in the beginning. He was having a great night and didn't want it to end now, not like this. 

Ainsley's eyes were fixed on the entrance to the restroom as the waiter placed the plate in front of her. "Will you be requiring a second spoon, for your partner?" 

"No, thank you." Ainsley had still not taken her eyes off the restrooms, and let out a small breath as Sam walked toward their table. "Sam, are you sure that you're okay?" 

"Ainsley, I'm fine. Please, you're letting good food go to waste. I should be asking if you are okay." Sam ran his hand over the top of the table and then dropped it into his lap, knocking his napkin on the floor. "See, I haven't changed a bit." He bent down to pick up the napkin and lost his balance falling off his chair, hitting the floor. 

"Sam?" Ainsley jumped out of her chair and rushed to his side. "Sam, you are not fine. Sam!" He was staring; his eyes were fixed, but not on her. They were vacant, as if he wasn't there anymore, "Sam, Sam." Ainsley was shaking his shoulder trying to get a response. "Sam, please!" 

"Ma'am, should we get a doctor?"

"Yes! Yes!" Ainsley continued to shake him. "Sam, please. Oh God, Sam, please wake up." 

END OF PART 6


	7. I'm not a doctor

Title: Sugar Tossing (7/?)  
Pairing: Sam & Ainsley, a little Josh & Donna  
Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!  
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ

XXXXXXXXX 

Ainsley stood watching the doctors through the push doors that led into the emergency room. One hand covered her mouth, the other clutched her cell, waiting. She had never been through this, never had this feeling before; she had no idea what to do. She only knew that she had to watch, she had to watch even though she couldn't see what was happening. 

She almost fell over when her cell rang. "Josh! … Thank God! … I don't know, Josh …" Ainsley's voice was beginning to strain and the tears were welling in her eyes. "We were eating dinner and his head started to hurt; he said he was fine. I asked him, Josh. I asked him twice … He said he was fine both times. … No, Josh … I can't see what's going on. I can't see what they are doing …" 

"Ma'am?" A nurse tapped Ainsley on the shoulder, "Ma'am, you can't use that in here. You are going to have to turn it off." 

Ainsley nodded at the nurse. "Josh, I have to go. I will call you as soon as I know anything." She turned back to see the doctor step aside, and Sam buttoning up his shirt. "Sorry." With her hand on the nurse's arm, she stopped her before the nurse could walk away. "Can I go in there?" Ainsley asked, pointing at the room Sam was sitting in. 

"The doctor has finished so it shouldn't be a problem." 

Ainsley hesitantly pushed the door opened. "Hey," she said quietly as she walked into the room. 

"Hayes, I'm still alive. You can stop worrying." Sam eased himself off the bed and rolled down his sleeves. 

"What happened?" Ainsley directed her question to the doctor, almost ignoring Sam. 

"I think that Mr. Seaborn has been over doing things. That was a nasty knock he took to the head a few weeks back. I've checked his other wounds and he seems to be fine." The doctor signed the bottom of the chart. 

"You can look at it like this, Hayes, at least you got to find out where the hospital is." Sam tried to lighten the mood, but Ainsley wasn't buying it. 

Still ignoring Sam, Ainsley addressed the Doctor. "We are due to fly home on Saturday. Should we wait a little longer or will he be fine?" 

"He will be fine as long as he takes it easy for the rest of the week." The doctor wrapped his stethoscope around his neck and smiled, "You're okay to go." 

Sam watched the doctor walk out, and picked up his coat. "You were right, no one has any idea who I am or what has happened." 

Ainsley stoped walking "Sam, did you tell the doctor what did happen last week?" 

"You heard him. He said that he checked my other wounds and they were fine, so you can stop worrying and take me home."

XXXXXXXX

"Do you need anything?" Ainsley leaned on the doorframe with a glass of water in her hand. 

Sam rolled over to face her. "I guess I should say water?" 

"You scared the hell out of me tonight." She walked in and sat on the edge of his bed. "Why didn't you tell me that it was that bad? We didn't have to go to dinner and physio. I shouldn't have pushed you." 

"Hayes … Ainsley, I'm sorry. Everything was just getting back to normal. I guess not as normal as I thought." Sam sat up gingerly. "If it happened again, you'll be the first to know." Sam laid his head back down on the pillow as it hurt too much to keep it up. He could probably tell her about this current headache, but she already looked worried enough. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Hayes, you're pushing again." All Sam wanted was the lights to be turned out, and maybe that glass of water that she was holding so he could take his painkillers. "Can you leave the water and turn out the lights?" 

"Will you be okay by yourself? Do you want me to stay?" Ainsley placed the water on his bedside table. 

"I should be fine, thanks. I just want a drink." Sam reached for the water, but he couldn't hold his shaking hand steady. 

"Here," Ainsley pick up the glass and placed her hand behind Sam's head while he drank. He pointed to the bottle that was behind the vase. "How many?" Ainsley asked. 

"Two, thanks." 

"Sam?" 

"Ainsley, I'm fine. You heard the doctor, even he said I was fine." Sam swallowed the tablets and lowered his head back onto the pillow. "Ainsley?" 

"I'll just stay here until you're asleep, and then I'll go back to my room." Ainsley sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hand on Sam's. 

"Ainsley---" 

"No Sam---" 

"I like you, Ainsley. A lot. Ever since you kicked my ass, it was that moment. No one has ever beat me like that." Sam carefully watched Ainsley's face. He knew he was about to hurt her but it was better to do it now. It was better to hurt her now than in a year from now or twenty-eight years from now. 

"I love spending time with you. Lisa never made me feel the way you make me feel. But I can't hurt you, I might not mean to, but I'm going on family history here and I couldn't do that to you … I don't ever want to do that to anyone, so I hope you understand why I can't do this. Why I can't---" 

"It's okay, Sam, I know when I'm being brushed off." Ainsley sadly squeezed his hand one last time before she left the room. 

He wanted to call her back and tell that she was wrong, he wasn't brushing her off. That he loved her, he would love for her to stay in the room with him. If it wasn't for his family, his father. All of his life he had been told how much like his father he was. He loved Ainsley too much to follow in his father's footsteps, of what he had done to his mother. 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sam!" Bonnie stood to give him a hug. 

"It's good to be back!" Sam strolled into his office smiling at Ginger as he walked past. He was shocked to find a basket of fruit, and a small bear sitting on his desk. The bear held a little sign, which read: We missed you!' Sam picked up the bear and hung his coat on the rack in the corner; as he did he heard Toby, and Sam was pretty sure he was in CJ's office. He walked back into the bullpen, still holding the bear, and waved it at Ginger. 

Ginger smiled. "We really did miss you," she told him sincerely, handing him a file and a mug of coffee. 

Behind Ginger, Toby added loudly, "Oh yeah." 

"And it's like I was never away." 

"Sam." 

He spun around to find himself standing face to face with the first lady. "Ma'am?" 

"I came to welcome you back." 

"Thank you." Sam walked into his office and waited for Abbey to sit before taking his seat. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Good. Great in fact. I'm at my desk, I have work to do, and I have some coffee." Sam held up his mug for her to see. 

"Any pain?" 

"No!" 

"What about a headache?" 

"Arr," Sam groaned. 

"Arr? What is that?" Abby was unsure what that meant. 

"Ainsley sent you." 

"She may have expressed some concern." 

"Well while she was expressing this concern did she mention that I saw a doctor and he said I was fine?" Before Abbey could respond, he added, "I'm amazed that she managed to talk to you without being drunk or peeing in a closet." 

"She did manage it, and she also mentioned the doctor, but she said that you were still taking the painkillers." 

"That night was the last time and it was at the instruction of the doctor." 

"Well, if you have any dizzy spells or headaches make sure you go straight back to a doctor." 

"Of course I will, I have already promised Ainsley." 

"Okay." Abbey stood, "It's good to have you back." 

"Thank you, Ma'am." Sam sat back down as she left the room and stared at his jacket. In the left pocket were his painkillers, he had been taking one every two or three hours, so he wouldn't get a headache. However, the time between the headaches had reduced as the weeks had gone by. 

"Sam!" 

"What?" Sam pulled his head up to see Toby standing in front of his desk. 

"What's with you?" Toby asked, "I called you three times." 

"I'm used to the ball." 

"I need a new one." 

"You need a new ball? What happened? Did you lose it?" 

"Donna took it off me," Toby said in almost a whisper. 

"What?" 

"Donna said that she could hear it from her office when I told her she didn't really have an office, she caught the ball mid-bounce and hid it someplace." 

"Okay. What is it?" 

"I need your draft for the state dinner and please don't offend anyone." 

"I leave that for you," Sam replied as he opened his laptop. 

Toby stopped at the door. "Welcome back," he said, an almost-smile on his face. He tapped the doorframe, and then walked into his own office.

XXXXXXXX

"Hey." 

"Hey." 

"I thought you would be Ainsley," Sam said as he finished his bottle of water. 

"Why?" 

"You're here to tell me to go home." 

"And to welcome you back, it's been one of those days." 

"But you had time to see Ainsley." 

"What?" 

"She sent you to come send me home?" 

Donna picked up the beer, and then placed it back on his desk before replying, "She wants to give you some space." 

"Is that what you call it? She hasn't called me or been to see me since we returned home." 

"Have you called her?" Donna couldn't see why Ainsley should have to do any of those things after what Sam said, no matter how good he believed his intentions. 

"Well, not exactly." 

Donna watched Sam's eyes, "I think you're lucky that she still cares enough to make sure you got home." 

Sam smiled to himself. "She sent Mrs. Bartlet to check on me this morning." 

"You know that means she managed to keep herself composed long enough to tell her what happened to you." Donna waited a minute before continuing. "You scared the hell out of her; she didn't say as much but she thought you were going to die on her." 

"Donna, I'm not trying to be a bad person, and I don't want to hurt her … You have got to understand." 

"Sam, what would you say if I came to you and said that I couldn't see Josh because it might affect his career?" 

"You did say that." 

"And what did you say?" 

"I told you that life was too short." 

"And that I should grab happiness with both hands. I said I couldn't ruin Josh's career for my happiness. What happened two weeks later?" 

Donna really didn't need to be reminded, it still played in her mind. 

"Josh was shot," Sam answered in a small voice. 

"And I was still too stupid. I had to wait till Christmas. Josh could have done himself real harm and I was only l worried about his career." 

"This is a little different, Donna. It is not as simple as my career, or her career." 

"No, but you want to end it because of something that someone else did. Now I know that there is more to this story than what Ainsley is telling me, but Sam do you really want to let this go for something that your father did?" 

"Donna, I wish it were that simple," Sam told her, picking up his coat. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

"Sam?" He turned to face Donna. "It is that simple," 

Sam smiled and shrugged his shoulders as he walked out of the White House; Donna's words still playing in his head It is that simple'. Sam wanted more than anything for it to be that simple; but the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that he had done the right thing. Even if he put Ainsley aside, he could never put their children through what his father was putting him through. 

He never wanted to talk to his father again, never wanted to see him again. He thought it best to not have children; he couldn't have his kid's think of him like that. He doesn't want Ainsley to end up like his mother, their children feeling sorry for her and hating him. 

XXXXXXXX

The noise from Toby's ball hammered pain through Sam's head; he guessed that Toby had found a few more grammar mistakes than he was expecting. 

"Is this some kind of joke?" Toby said as he threw Sam's state dinner speech. 

"Your words are around the wrong way; you might what to, y'know, put some correct grammar in this speech." Toby looked up at Sam in disbelief, "Please don't tell me that this is what you have been working on for the past two days?" 

"I'm just getting my head back in the game … I'll fix it." Sam picked the pages up from the floor and from the edge of Toby's desk. 

"Yeah, I'd do that!" 

Sam sat in his office reading the speech; he could see it now. In time this of monumental and change uncertainty our futures of' Why didn't he pick this up when he read over it before he handed it to Toby. As Sam read on he realized that the whole speech was like this and that just like last night the more he read the more blurry his eyes got and the less of the print he could make out. 

Sam opened his laptop, he couldn't see the writing on the screen, nor could he see the letters on the keyboard. Ginger. Ginger was his answer. He could talk and she could type it for him; and, if he was really lucky, she wouldn't say anything to anyone about it. 

"Ginger!" Sam was called from his desk. "Ginger!" He yelled again. Sam never yelled; he would normally use the intercom. Sam stood and walked to Ginger's desk. "Ginger!" He yelled her name at the top of his voice even though she was nowhere around. The problem was that Sam couldn't make anything out; he couldn't see what was going on around him. 

"Sam?" Bonnie asked in a calm voice. "Can I help you?" 

"No, I want Ginger. Where is she?" Sam waited a moment, all he could remember was that he wanted Ginger and if he could see her he would remember why. "Ginger?" 

Toby came to his office door. "Sam, what the hell is going on out here?" 

Sam looked around. He was terrified when he realized he couldn't make out Toby; he couldn't even find the office door through the haze. 

"Sam, are you okay?" Toby took a step toward Sam and then stopped as he spoke. 

"I was looking for Ginger." 

Toby couldn't understand what Sam had said. "Sam?" 

Sam started to walk back to his office; he couldn't see the door and his legs began to shake. Sam thought all he had to do was make it back to his chair and sit for a minute and then everything would be fine... if he could just make it back to his chair. Sam reached out with his hand for something to hold himself up. 

"Sam!" Bonnie screamed as he fell to the floor. 

Toby rushed to him. "Sam. Sam! What happened?" Toby looked over at Bonnie who also was crouched next to Sam, he didn't give her any time to respond. "Call 911 and get Mrs. Bartlet." Toby watched Bonnie. "Now Bonnie! Get them now!" Toby took his jacket off and placed it under Sam's head. "It's okay, Sam. They're on their way. Everything will be fine. It's okay." Toby placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Josh! Josh!" Toby yelled. "Somebody get me Josh!" Toby  
waited a few seconds before repeating, "Josh! Somebody get me Josh!" 

"I'm here." Josh couldn't see Toby as he walked toward the communications bullpen. "Toby? Where are you? Donna said you were yelling so loud that she didn't want to come find out what you wanted." Josh looked into Toby's office but couldn't see him. "Toby?" Josh asked in surprise as he turned to find Toby crouched in the middle of the bullpen next to an unconscious Sam. "What the hell happened?" Josh didn't get an answer as the President and the First Lady came around the corner. 

"Toby, what happened?" The President asked in a deceptively calm voice. 

"I don't know. I heard him yelling from my office. When I came out he something I couldn't understand him, then he fell." Toby was speaking very quickly and he was not at all calm. 

"Did he hit his head when he fell?" The First Lady asked, but Toby didn't answer. "Toby, did Sam hit his head on anything when he fell?" Her voice was firm. 

"I don't think so." 

"Are you sure? The paramedics will need to know when they get here." 

"No, he didn't." Toby watched as the First Lady merely brushed some hair from Sam's forehead. "Do something for him." 

"I can't Toby." 

"You're a doctor, do something to help him." Toby was frustrated; he couldn't understand why she was just holding his hand, why wasn't she doing more. 

"I'm not a doctor … not at the moment, Toby." She gently reminded him. 

Ginger interrupted them as she called "The Paramedics are here," 

Donna had joined the group and was standing between the President and Josh; she had a tight hold of Josh's arm. She was looking around and noticed that Leo and Ainsley were missing. "Josh," Donna looked at him, "Has anyone paged Leo?" 

"No, can … I'll call him on the way to the hospital. Can you cancel my afternoon appointments?" Josh pulled away from Donna, "Can you get some of his things and bring them to the hospital? I'll see you there." 

"Okay." Donna was concerned for Josh; she couldn't tell how he was taking this and that worried her most of all. 

END OF PART 7


	8. Stars from the roof

_Title: Sugar Tossing  
Pairing: Sam & Ainsley, a little Josh & Donna  
Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!  
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ  
_

XXXXXXXX

Margaret frowned as she entered Leo office. "It's Josh on line four; he said it's an emergency."

"Yeah," Leo said as he picked up the phone. "Josh … When? … What are they saying? … Let me know. I'll get down there as soon as I can." Leo placed the phone back in the receiver and looked up to see the President standing in the doorway. "That was Josh."

"How is he?"

"I'm not sure. Donna will keep an eye on him." Leo said as he stood, "I'm going to see Ainsley."

"Okay, call me as soon as we know anything."

"I'll take Ainsley and meet you there." Leo walked to the door, "The poor girl has spent most of her time sitting next to his hospital bed."

Leo knocked on Ainsley's office door to find Donna already there. "I came to see how you were and to take you to the hospital."

"Thank you Leo, but just as I was telling Donna, I'll stop by Sam's house and collect some things that he will need." Ainsley was noticeably uncomfortable. "I will see … I can …"

"Ainsley?" Leo started, "Ginger or Bonnie can do that."

"They won't know what to get, and they won't know where things are." Ainsley started to button her suit jacket. "It should be me."

Leo placed his hand on the top of Ainsley's arm to stop her next to him. "Let Donna go." Leo nodded to Donna, "Ginger has a key." Leo then looked back at Ainsley as Donna disappeared out the door, "I'll go with you."

"What if he doesn't come out of it? What if he doesn't wake up Leo?" Fear had crept into Ainsley's voice, and for the first time Leo found her scared - scared that she may lose something she never really had. "Come on."

Ainsley didn't respond, she simply nodded and walked out of her office with Leo following, his guiding hand placed on the small of her back.

XXXXXXXX

Ainsley was pacing, following the back wall of the room, as Donna walked in and placed the bag she was carrying on the floor. The room brought back too many memories. As she looked at the faces she found they all had the same grim look they had only months ago. She also found that Josh was missing. Donna looked to Toby for an answer.

"Leo took him for a walk to get some air."

Donna smiled at Toby, and then walked to the back of the room. "Would you like a coffee, or something to eat?"

Ainsley smiled and nodded. "Coffee would be great, thanks." Ainsley continued to pace the back wall. She had never felt so isolated, so unwelcome as she did in that room at that moment. They were a tight family; they had been through so much together, and she wasn't a part of it. They had all been here before, but this was her first time.

Ainsley came out of her reverie as Donna returned with Josh, Leo and a Doctor. They all turned to face him, no one wanting to look him the eye for fear of what they might see there.

"Sam gave me permission to discuss his condition with you; you know, the new HIPPA Laws require …"

Josh nodded, "We know, go on."

"Sam has a mass of blood at the base of his skull, I'm going to run some more tests but at this stage it looks like it was caused from a slow leak. The blood vessel would have ruptured when he hit the ground. This is why he has been having headaches and blurred vision, the more blood which leaked, the more pressure was placed on his brain, and pushing on his optical nerves."

"Will there be any permanent damage?" Toby was the first to ask, "Can they stop this?"

"Yes, they will have to drain the mass, then make a small incision to remove the blood vessel." For the first time Dr Hawley paused, "We cannot be sure if there will any permanent damage, his vision is still blurred. We will have to wait and see after the mass is drained." He smiled at the group, "We'll keep you updated."

Toby's eyes followed the doctor out of the room, then he looked over at Ainsley, "Would this have been picked up if he had stayed here?"

"We don't know that Toby," Josh jumped in.

Ainsley took a small step toward the door, as she placed her hand on the doorknob Toby spoke again.

"Why did you take him away? Why did you take him away from the doctors who were taking care of him?"

"He wasn't happy, I---"

"You put him in this position." Toby stood face-to-face with Ainsley. " Before YOU put him on the plane and drove him halfway across the country, he was fine. He was seeing doctors! This would have been picked up. … If he had stayed in D.C., this would never have happened."

Josh went to intervene, but Ainsley raised her hand, "We saw a doctor, and he said that Sam was fine."

"Well, he's not fine … Does he look fine to you?" Toby was yelling now, not worried if anyone outside could hear. "He could lose his sight. You---"

"Toby!" Both Josh and CJ said this in unison.

Toby spun around to see them standing behind him. He looked up at CJ and opened his mouth to speak, as he did, CJ's cell began to ring and Ainsley slipped out the door.

"CJ Cregg … Don't answer those questions. … Who has it? Danny." CJ dropped her phone away from her mouth, "Did anyone know that Sam's father was flying in with his two half-sisters?" She looked around the room, "I'm on my way in, tell Danny not to leave my office!"

"When did Danny get back?" Donna asked, speaking for the first time.

"I'm guessing today."

XXXXXXXX

Ainsley opened the door to Sam's private room. "Hey"

"Hayes, is that you?"

"You know of any other Southerners around here?" Ainsley couldn't believe that she would be happy that he couldn't see her eyes right now.

Sam smiled and held out his right hand. "No, I guess I should have told you about the headaches and vision thing?"

"I thought you promised!" Ainsley's voice was a little strained.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to go back to work … I thought it would go away if I gave it just a little more time." Sam's vision was still blurry; all he could make out were shapes around him. He took in a deep breath, "I'm scared Ainsley. I can't see … I might not be able to see. They said that I might have permanently scarred my optical nerve."

"You don't know that. Dr Hawley said that we wouldn't know anything until the mass has been drained." Ainsley was very unsure how to reassure him; she couldn't think of anything, she knew that it might very well not be okay. "We'll just wait and see."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Sam. I'm not going anywhere."

"No," Sam shook his head, "Thank you for not telling me that it's all going to be okay." Sam tightened his grip on insley's hand as the door opened.

"Sam, it's Dr Hawley. We're going to take you down now."

"Ainsley?" Sam seemed to be looking around, as if he was trying to find her in the room.

"I'm still here, Sam."

"Will you come with me?" Ainsley looked up at the doctor as Sam spoke.

"You can come as far as the elevators." An orderly who had entered the room answered for the doctor. Turning to Sam, he added, "Then you're on your own, buddy."

Ainsley walked along next to the bed still holding his hand. "I'll be here when you get back." Ainsley squeezed his hand, letting it go as he was wheeled into the elevator.

XXXXXXXX

"Standing outside again?" Josh walked up next to Ainsley.

"I don't really belong, do I?"

"Toby didn't mean anything by it. Its just the way he is."

"Yeah he did." Ainsley turned away from the window and started to walk out of the hospital. "He's right; I did this to Sam. If I hadn't taken him away, he would have continued to see his normal doctor. They would have known what they were looking for."

"Ainsley you know even better than I that that's just not true." Josh wasn't sure if he could touch her or not. She was right about one thing: she wasn't part of the family yet.

"Josh---"

"Ainsley, none of this was your fault. You took him to a doctor, and he said Sam was fine. There is no way you could have known!"

"I saw him taking the painkillers."

Josh cocked his head and gazed over Ainsley's shoulder. "If Donna called the doctors every time I took a painkiller we'd never leave the hospital."

Donna slowly walked toward then; she stopped just short of where they stood, not wanting to interrupt. Josh looked up at her and raised his eyebrows.

"Sorry," she apologized, "CJ and Leo went back to the office. Leo called; he wants you and Toby back there now … he said he needed some things covered."

"I'll call as soon as he comes out," Ainsley promised.

Donna gave Ainsley a hug. "We'll be back as soon as we're done."

XXXXXXXX

Josh walked into Leo's office and looked at both CJ and Toby sitting quietly across from Leo. "What's up?"

Leo leaned forward. "We need you to pick up Sam's father and half-sisters at the airport, and keep them away from any reporters."

"And tell them about Sam, we are not sure he knows." Toby added at the end.

Josh ran his right hand through his hair, "Danny has it?" CJ nodded, "How, how does he do this?"

"He is good at what he does." CJ half-smiled, more to herself than to Josh.

"Well, can't you get him to work for us?"

"He is going to leave it til after Sam is out of the hospital"

"What time is the flight?"

CJ unfolded a piece of paper in her hand. "Danny said they are on Flight 909 from LA."

"We had to get that from Danny as well?" Josh stopped and looked from CJ to Toby and then settled on Leo, "Let him do the story."

"What!" Leo and CJ replied simultaneously.

"No, he is right." Toby sat up with more of a smile, if you could ever call the look Toby got a smile, "It'll be buried under thing in the Philippians and Sam himself. If Danny's lucky it might make the bottom section of page 24."

"That's why he is not going to run it." Leo pointed out.

"I can get him to run it. Sam's out of action, he can't answer questions and his family can hide behind Sam's being in hospital. If it breaks now, it will spare from Sam from having to through this, along with God knows what else."

"Make it happen." Leo placed his glasses back on, that was the signal for then to leave.

XXXXXXXX

Josh pulled his cell out of his jacket pocket and punched in CJ's name, "Yeah it's me … is Danny going to run the story?" Josh plugged his phone into the speaker in his car.

"Yeah, Have you heard any news on Sam?"

"No, Ainsley's going to call as soon as he is out or, you know, if there's any news."

"Where is Sam's Dad?" CJ asked as Josh turned the sound up on his speaker

"I met him, told him what happened and about the press. He turned around and got back on the next flight home."

"He did what?" CJ voice rose very sharply.

"He got back on the next flight home. He said he didn't want to put them through the press stuff. He said that they had been through enough in California."

"What about Sam?"

"I don't know. I'm on my way there now."

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"And say what? Your father was more worried about two people you've never met? I mean he couldn't even spare the time to come the hospital to see his only son." Josh paused for a moment and then it hit him, " Does Sam even know about them?" Josh took a deep breath, "I just don't know … Hey, did you talk to Toby?"

"I will, he just doesn't know how to show his feeling, it wasn't Ainsley. Did you tell her that?"

"Yeah, I don't know it got through."

"Yeah." CJ hit the end button on her phone, pushed herself back and stared at her ceiling.

XXXXXXXX

Josh walked into the entrance of Sam's ward and saw Ainsley sitting in a chair outside of Sam's room; she was staring at the wall in front of her, tears rolling down her cheeks. He paused as all kinds of sorts of thoughts ran through his mind, one thing repeating itself over and over, there's always a risk with any kind of surgery'. "Please, no." he said as he walked over to Ainsley and crouched in front of her.

"Ainsley?" Josh gently took her hand and it was only then that she seemed to notice that he was even there, "Ainsley, what's happened?"

"Toby was right."

"Ainsley, that was just him blowing off steam, y'know Toby he just can't express himself." Josh found it strange referring to Toby in the same way people would refer to him.

"Toby expressed himself just fine and Sam still can't see, Josh he still can't see. I did that to him."

"No, no. Ainsley, it not your fault." Josh gripped her hands, forcing her her to look directly at him. "They said that it could take a few days for him to refocus."

"Josh, it's not blurry, he can't see anything. It's just all black."

Josh gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, then stood, "I'll go call Donna and get her to take you home for a shower and to get some sleep, you've had a long day."

"No Josh, I need---"

"I'll stay with Sam until you get back." Josh walked to the other side of the hall, pulling his cell phone from the inside pocket of his jacket. "Donna, I need you to come and get Ainsley for me … no, he's fine, I just need you to come down and take Ainsley out for a break … she'll go." He waited in silence, sitting next to Ainsley, his hand on her arm, until Donna arrived. Josh rose to meet Donna half way. "Hey."

"Hey, how's Sam?"

"His eyesight has gotten worse."

"Will it be permanent?"

"No one knows. Listen, I need you to take Ainsley home. She needs to eat and get some sleep. I'm going to stay with Sam."

"Okay." Donna started to walk with Josh back towards Ainsley, "Josh … are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

XXXXXXXX

Josh knocked on the door and entered Sam's room. Sam had patches over his eyes. It was eerily quite; the only noise was the on-going blip of the heart monitor.

"Ainsley?"

"No, it's me." Josh pulled up a chair next to Sam's bed, "I got Donna to take her back to our place to get some sleep."

"She wasn't herself before."

"Toby and Ainsley had an argument before you went into surgery."

"Poor Toby." Sam couldn't move himself yet. He had hoped that his headache would be gone by now, but it was worse.

Josh wasn't sure if he should tell Sam just yet, but he thought it would be better then telling him about his father and half sister's. "Toby was pretty worked up and he took that out on Ainsley."

"What did he say?" Sam wanted an answer and he wanted to be able to see Josh's face right now, "Josh, what did he say to her?"

"It was nothing really, he just let off a little steam."

"Josh!"

"He told her that what ever happen to you was her fault."

"What! How?"

"He said that you shouldn't have gone away. He said that she didn't take care of you."

"I want to see him!"

"Sam, you need to rest."

"Josh," Sam had to stop and take a deep breath, "I want to see him!"

"Want to see who?" CJ asked from the doorway.

Josh turned to see CJ and Toby standing behind him, "I don't think you should be here right now." Josh stood and walked towards them, with his hand held up to push them out of the room, "We'll talk outside."

"Josh, Toby there? I want to see Toby … Josh?" Sam was laying back in his bad, calling towards the ceiling. "Josh!"

"Sam." Toby pushed past Josh to Sam's bedside.

Josh stood next to CJ with slumped shoulders and CJ still unsure what was going on.

"Josh?"

"Yeah." Josh stepped forward.

"Can you take CJ and get some coffee?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Josh paused, "Toby, he has to stay calm, that means you have to stay calm." Josh paused one more time, to glare at Toby, before pulling the door closed.

"Why would you blame this on Ainsley?" Sam slowly turned his head for the first time. "I did this, the doctors asked me questions and I gave them answers which wouldn't cause me any problems. She didn't do this to me."

"I … Sam … I don't know what I will do without you."

"I haven't gone anywhere." Sam moved his head back to face the ceiling, "I need my rest."

XXXXXXXX

Toby waited outside Sam's room, pacing the hall and then returning to the chair and replaying it over again for hours waiting for Ainsley to return. Josh was asleep in the chair next to Sam's bed and he could only guess that Sam was also asleep.

As he sat with his head in his hands, he looked up at the footsteps that were working towards him and then stopped at the sight of him. Toby stood and smiled as best he could.

"I was waiting for you to return." Toby moved uncomfortably on the spot. "I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to apologize."

Ainsley lowered herself into the chair next to where Toby was standing, "You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. I had no right to speck to you the way I did."

"Toby you were right, I should never have taken him away. He was so unhappy and I thought if I could take him away from all of this I could make it better … I didn't make it better, I made it worse." Ainsley stood, "And here he is right back where he started, away from nothing."

"You tried, while the rest of us sat back and hoped that it would turn out okay, that Sam wouldn't end up in the same place Josh did." Toby pulled Ainsley back into the chair and he sat next to her, "I should never have said the things I did, you put Sam first and the rest of us were scared of what were might let loose. I guess what I am trying to say is that if Sam had to date a republican then … then I guess you are the best they have to offer."

"Thank you, Toby." Ainsley stood again and walked to Sam's door.

"Ainsley." Toby ribbed his beard a few times before continuing, "You do belong in there, you shouldn't think that you don't."

Ainsley smiled at Toby and opened the door to Sam' room leaving Toby alone in the hall.

XXXXXXXX

Donna sat in the armchair across from a laughing Sam thinking how different this all could have been. She could hardly believe that it was only two months ago, when they didn't know if he would ever see again, didn't know if they would have their old Sam back. But here he was, well again, returning to work on Monday. She was helping him hang stars from the roof.

"Does she know anything about this?"

"No, nothing." Sam had pride in his voice that he was able to put all this together without her finding out.

"What is for dinner?"

"A muffin."

"You are having a muffin for dinner?" Donna knew that if this was all for her, she wouldn't make it as far as food, so it wouldn't matter what was for dinner; but she thought that Sam could have at least have something planed.

"It's her favourite food, offer to get her anything and she'll ask for a muffin." Sam placed the last candle on the windowsill.

"Do you think she will say yes?" Donna was wondering if Sam already knew the answer.

"I hope she will, we've never talked about it. But she is meant to move out of the apartment tomorrow, I didn't want her to go home and it's closer to work for her, I hope she wants to live here." Sam turned to Donna, "Would you want to live here?"

"No, but I'm not Ainsley." Donna was wondering why Josh couldn't do this for her.

XXXXXXXX

Sam picked up the empty box, which had been full of sugar packets and tossed it into the bin with the packets; he had nothing to do now but sit and wait, everything that needed to be done was. Donna had promised him that he would they would leave work at seven and they should be here by a quarter to eight, it was now eight twenty one and they were still not here.

XXXXXXXX

Donna pulled her car up to the curb looking around at the other cars. "Josh said that he would meet us here," Donna closed the driver door and walked around to Ainsley who was now standing on grass looking at the house they had pulled up in front.

"Wow! I wish someone would buy this for me. Its amazing Donna." Ainsley walked into the middle of the front yard, "This house, Donna you're so lucky."

"Yeah."

"I can't believe that the real estate agent gave you the key and to look at it so late." Ainsley was still focused on the house, "What have you been doing?" she turned to smile at Donna.

Donna blushed a little and smiled back at Ainsley, "Here is the key; you go on in and I'll go call Josh and let him know that we are here."

"Are you sure?" Ainsley took the keys as Donna nodded.

"I'll be in in a minute."

"Okay,"

Ainsley pushed the key into the lock and turned back to see Donna on her cell, she pushed the handle and walked into a small entryway.

As she walked further into the house, Ainsley could see a light coming from what she guessed was the living room. She walked slowly into the room, it had beautiful high ceiling lit by a softly glowing fireplace. There were a thousand silver stars dangling from the roof, glinting in the flickering candlelight.

Ainsley jumped as music started playing softly, Sam appeared in the entryway. "You scared the hell out of me."

Sam didn't respond, he only offered his hand to her. When she took it, they started to dance slowly to the music.

_Maybe it's intuition  
Some things you just don't question  
Like in your eyes I see my future in an instance  
There it goes  
I think I found my best friend  
_

"You set this up, Josh isn't buying this house for Donna?"

"No he isn't." Sam spoke for the first time since she entered the house.

_I know it might sound more then a little crazy but I believe  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I think I dreamed you into to life  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I have been waiting all my life  
_

Sam slowly drew Ainsley's head onto his chest and moved them gradually around the room in time with the music, swaying as one.

_There's just no rime or reason  
Only a sense of completion  
In your eyes  
I see the missing pieces  
_

_  
Searching for  
_

_  
I think I found my way home  
_

"Sam?"

"Shhh, Hayes we can talk later."

_I know it might sound more then a little crazy but I believe  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I think I dreamed you into to life  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I have been waiting all my life  
_

_  
A thousand angels dance around you  
I am complete now that I found you_

"Two months ago I had no future, no one knew who I was and they weren't sure if I would wake up to tell them, three weeks ago I couldn't see." Sam was running his hand down Ainsley's hair, stopping to draw circles on the small of her back.

_I know it might sound more then a little crazy but I believe  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I think I dreamed you into to life  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
_

_  
I have been waiting all my life  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I think I dreamed you into to life  
_

_  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I have been waiting all my life  
_

"I didn't know what my future would hold … when you're unsure about that, it makes it very clear in your own mind what you want. It wakes you up to what people mean to you."

_I knew I loved you  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I knew I loved you  
I knew I loved you before I meet you  
I knew I loved you_

As the music stopped, Sam placed his hand in his jacket pocket and dropped down onto one knee, taking her left hand in his. Ainsley coved her mouth with her right hand.

"I bought this house, for us. I hope we can make this our home, raise our children here, and grow old together here," Sam opened the small velvet box, "Ainsley, will you marry me?"

She busted into tears and started to nod her head, "Is that a yes?"

"Yes, yes it is!"

Sam slipped the ring on her finger, and pulled her down into his arms, "Welcome home Ainsley."

XXXXXXXX

Thank you for reading!


End file.
